History was never our best subject in school, but we’d like to think that as we get older, we have a greater appreciation for the lessons the past has to offer as well as a new desire to gain wisdom from it. Today we’re going to learn why you should never have sex with Lucrezia Borgia or Henry VIII.

How does our dear Leonardo unwind after a day of defending himself from (perhaps not so bogus) sodomy charges? He works out a way to make a camera obscura project an image of the judge having sex with a pig onto the skies above Florence. But when he’s done with that, it’s bathtime with Lucrezia! Look at her body steam.

We were a little worried that last week’s topless blowjob from Dr. Carrie Roman (Betty Gilpin) was going to be a one-off kind of thing–a little raunchiness to inject fresh life into the show. Clearly, more injections are needed, because Carrie is back at it, controlling men with her amazing boobs and demanding flash cards.

Poor Theon Greyjoy. Here he thinks he’s getting laid by two gorgeous and horny women with filthy mouths, and they start grinding on him and grabbing his dick and all that good stuff, but then it all goes downhill from there. And we’re pretty sure that when Theon gets knocked in the face with the horn, the thing that really hurts him is landing on his dong.

No, this isn’t a clip from a new iteration of the series. We just felt like taking a trip down memory lane and looking at the season that started it all. It’s funny to think how far this show has come–six series in total, each portraying a different place, time, and gang, and the only thing constant is the constant sex! Even then, we notice some difference in the screwing.

And seriously, that boy’s demons are starting to pipe up quite often. We thought the hallucinations from last week would be a one time thing, but nope! He’s trippin’ on the regular now. At least Lucrezia can soothe his fevered brow with some cowgirl action. We regret calling her the ultimate villain of the show.

Danielle Panabaker was originally a big hit with the younger audiences when she appeared in a few Disney Channel films. She then got some recurring roles on CBS shows and made enough appearances in horror films to become a Scream Queen. And now look at her! She’s a stewardess showing sideboob and nipple after having sex with Roger Sterling!

In the European corner, we have “Borgia” with Stephanie Caillard as Charlotte D’Albret standing naked in front of the window. In the American corner, newcomer Ana Ularu plays our Charlotte and rides Cesare’s cock by the fireplace as they discuss fat stacks of cash coming from her papa. Which version of Charlotte is hotter?

Five and a half seasons in, and “Nurse Jackie” finally delivers some dirty goodness. To what do we owe the pleasure? Dr. Carrie Roman (Betty Gilpin) decides to reward Coop for his efforts by whipping out her terrific tits and going down on him. We don’t suppose this could become an every week kind of thing, could it?

Who knew that “Outrageous Fortune” had so much to offer? (Probably the people who watched it when it was on the air.) A couple days ago, we saw Brooke Williams and Antony Star strike sassy poses for a figure drawing class, and now we get a spontaneous prison stripshow that very nearly turned into a full on orgy! If only the guards had been a little bit more tolerant.

One of the first images we saw of Thandie Newton in DirecTV’s “Rogue” was of her having some serious, contemplative alone-time in the shower. How appropriate it is that now, in the sixth episode, she takes a shower with crime boss Jimmy! We wouldn’t exactly call this full circle, but it certainly feels like an appropriate turn for this show to take.

Today is a sad day for us Netflix lovers because Warner Brothers is taking back 1,794 titles from the Netflix catalog. That’s so many movies! Right now, we need something to pick up our spirits: some women making other women come their brains out should do the trick.

Who cares if the story of the Banquet of Chestnuts is considered foolish by most historians? Certainly not us. All we care about is the fact that Showtime has the gumption to show us what possibly went down on that fateful night in October of 1501: food, fucking, and prizes for the cardinals who proved their virility above others.

We’re not talking about their faces specifically. Those are usually naked. We’re talking about Brooke Williams (Aurelia, wife of Varro, in “Spartacus: Blood and Sand”) and Antony Starr (Sheriff Lucas Hood in “Banshee”) showing up in this New Zealand TV show from 2010. Look at them posing naked for an art class, not knowing that they would be doing fantastically violent things on premium cable in a few short years!

Yeah dudes, that SyFy network knows how to sneak the sexy in wherever possible, and we’re not just talking about the sideboob seen through Mia Kirshner’s apron, or the spherical cleavage of Jaime Murray. We’re talking about this new neat fetish we’ve just been exposed to: sensual skillet torture. Watch and learn.

Heck yeah, Ulrike Kriener! We stand by your wild convictions and your commitment to sass. Let everybody see your man’s hands on your ass as you dance, roll with a motorcycle gang, blast music as loud as you want, and if anyone gives you guff, flash your titties as you laugh and laugh.

Spoiler alerts ahead y’all: we’ve been thinking that the Medici clan would be the primary evil of this show, but the last episode is definitely changing our patterns. You can’t blame us for thinking ill of Lorenzo Medici, especially when he’s shown having sex with Lucrezia and coming after a few furious thrusts. The bad ones always come quickly.

How is Jon Snow (that has to be one of the plainest and yet silliest names in “Game of Thrones”) to prove his loyalty to the Free Folk? Don’t worry about that. Ygritte has him covered, or more to the point, totally naked in a secret cave with hot springs and a waterfall and steamy sex. If only we could have a chance to prove ourselves to the wildlings!

You’ll have to forgive Commissario Montalbano, he’s a serious man with a serious job. He doesn’t see you walking around in thin cotton with stiff nipples and a thong. He’s not aware of your cutoffs, the legs beneath them, or how you’re undressing him with your eyes. Fleshbot’s not very serious though; we know what’s up, Margareth.

There’s nothing quite like finding beautiful and freely visible boobs in unexpected places. Even though sci-fi movies love to include a little nudity here and there, the SyFy channel usually keeps everything PG-13; that doesn’t seem to be the case with this piece of “Defiance.” Jaime Murray’s alien boobs are, like, all right there.