Can you believe it? One day she’s an up-and-coming model, then she’s a pornstar, then she’s March’s jGrrl, and now she’s written and directed her own all-pussy porno for Filly Films. How does she have the energy? Sovereign Syre, you make us feel so lazy. Also, horny–unabashedly so.

It’s the last day of April, and that means Samantha Bentley’s reign as jGrrl will soon be over. We’ve had some good times with our glorious leader and her fabulous body, and even though a new woman will take her place as supreme ruler of Juliland, we can always look back on these moments with Samantha and do as she does: fap, wank, rub, and love.

Wait, does it still count as treating yo self if the treat is free? Because this parody of “Parks & Recreation” is 100% free, thanks to the generous genius that is Lee Roy Myers. This half-hour video has everything you love: Leslie, Ron, Tom(-ara), steak, manliness, political aspirations, and porn within porn!

Aiden Ashley loves the way Samantha Bentley tastes (how could she not?), she loves the way she sounds and smells, but she doesn’t yet know how she feels–at least, not on her feet. Aiden is one of those gals who likes to test her produce in elaborate and mystical ways. She flicks her melons, she spanks her celery, and she needs to step on Samantha’s chest just a little bit in order to get a feel for the fucking that lies ahead.

Wolf Hudson is, without a doubt, one of the most charming and delightful men on the planet. But when he wants to be evil, damn is he good at it. Case in point, Wolf’s mother hired him to shoot his stepsister, Presley Hart, but when he confronts her, he leaves fate in Presley’s hands: either he kills her or she fucks him. So dark! So non-consensual! So absurdly hot!

Actually, that’s not true. She also says, “I don’t want to look at myself!” at one point, but she doesn’t really mean those words–she’s just letting them drift out of her face because she’s self-conscious. There’s only one word she says with any power and intent, and that’s a four-letter beast that starts with F.

Her Majesty may reign supreme in Juliland, but there are certain realms where she’s sadly no longer welcome. After peace treaty talks with the King of Candyland fell through, Samantha recorded and posted this video online. Needless to say, she is now persona non grata in Candy Castle. We think it’s hot though!

And no, we’re not talking about “Cowboys & Engines.” James Deen recently tweeted a teaser trailer for something called “NOVEL,” written and directed by Samuel Gonzalez Jr. All the teaser tells us is that it’s about “the greatest American conspiracy ever told” which comes from “the most controversial novel ever written.” We’re looking at old timey costumes, guns, and James Deen with a busted face. What do you think?

On the floor, mouth open, at the mercy of her own hands as they press the Hitachi against her pussy and send shockwaves through her whole body: that’s how we want to remember Sovereign Syre. If we could, we would encase this moment in amber and wear it on a necklace for the rest of our days.

Jonathan Leder first told the world about “American Ecstasy” a year ago, but all has been quiet since. Then, just a few days ago, he released the red band trailer and gave us a second (and even more riveting and brutal) look at his film. It’s violent, discomforting, and we can’t look away.

To answer that, we’d have to know a lot more about these two ladies, how easily they orgasm in general, how sensitive their respective lips are, and a bunch of other fine details. It’s much easier to ask a different question. Can we come from watching them kiss? Yes.

The fans asked for more and more is what they get: Remy LaCroix and Elegant Angel are coming out with “Remy 2.” How will they drum up excitement about the film? Exactly the same way they did the first time, except with pretty lights!

We realize it must hurt to not be able to look at the beautiful face of February’s jGrrl, but sometimes we feel so overwhelmed by Melody Jordan that we have to take her in bits and pieces. We’ve seen a GIF of her face mid-orgasm, and now we’re heading down to check out a trailer that’s all about her twat. Next week: maybe we’ll groove upon her ankles!

She’s not actually screwing with a lightsaber. That’d be cool, but irresponsible. However, when she sandwiches the Hitachi Magic Wand between the mattress and her pussy and humps its wildly buzzing head, it sounds like a lightsaber cutting through the air. Maybe if Melody squirts, it’ll sound like the Death Star!

The last time we saw Reena Sky, she was at the mercy of some powerful yet pleasing hands, completely helpless as the buzzing and the choking and the pinching pushed her through orgasm after orgasm. Now we’re looking at Reena alone with a Hitachi Magic Wand, and we have to say: nobody fucks Reena like Reena.

All we have to go on is some blonde hair, buzzing noises, and a hand that alternates between pinching Reena’s nipples and firmly choking her. For all we know, she could be playing Operation by holding the tweezers in her pussy! We have absolutely no way of finding out what is being done to her and that’s why this clip is so absurdly hot.

From the looks of this red band trailer, “Movie 43″ is one of those movies with insanely huge ensembles of Hollywood stars organized in constellations of plot that weave and loop around each other. It’s like “New Year’s Eve” or “Valentine’s Day” except, you know, with poop jokes and gratuitous nudity and probably zero romance.

We know you’re passionate about voting and you’ve probably thought a lot about the candidates, their platforms, what they said during the debates, and all that important stuff, but we beg you not make any finals decisions until you’ve seen the way your potential future presidents pound Joanna Angel’s ass and pussy. We just want you to be responsible.

Lola Creton is quickly becoming one of those French actresses we can’t pull our eyes off. We feel for her when we saw her puffy nipples in “Goodbye First Love,” we felt closer to her when she showed up all rain-drenched and glorious on “Hollyoaks Later,” and now she’s going to be in a new film about 1960s counterculture in Europe. Lola, girl, please don’t ever stop what you’re doing.

As you definitely know by now, James Deen and Lindsay Lohan totally need to start dating because they’re obviously a power couple waiting to happen are in a movie together called “The Canyons.” The studio is releasing three teaser trailers in different styles, and first up is the grainy and grimy ’70s thriller version chock full of sex, death, and innuendo about James Deen’s dick.