Dana Vespoli’s first (and highly anticipated) feature for Evil Angel is as economical as it is trippy; it’s the type of movie informed by the Golden Age of Porn but executed with 21st century sensibilities; there’s a clear—if surreal—narrative that shapes itself around the sex, which is both hard and compelling. No arty cutaways that make us forget it’s a porn film.
This is porn at its most natural (note that we didn’t say “real”): two married swinger pornstars taking the Best New Starlet of 2013 for a weekend away with no real plans or demands other than nonstop fun. From now on, we don’t want to see anyone’s vacation movie unless it comes with a minimum of four anal orgasms.
Some parodies stand on their own and do not require the viewer to have any knowledge of the original. Some make an effort to fill in the gaps, and some, like “Terminator XXX,” assume that the audience has a pretty good knowledge of the Arnold Schwarzenegger franchise.
Gambling addict James Deen promises Kayden Kross he will reform in “Losing Kayden,” but no sooner does he come on her face than he lams it to another unlicensed poker game, run by prostitute-dispensing criminal Steve Holmes.
Well, a whole freakin’ eyeful, that’s for sure. Yes, this is one of the more hardcore things my (hardly) innocent young eyes have beheld. Known to me only as CMC_109, there’s a whole world of dank and dirty smut in this particular file. Pig-faced bondage! Slave maids in closets! Operatic sensual food-eating! Forced massive enemas! I don’t know whether to feel aroused or exhausted.
Jesse Jane and Riley Steele may be on the side of the law in “Skip Trace 2,” but evil coke dealer Nacho Vidal has the most fun.
Forced sex is verboten in real life, but in porn it only becomes ethically problematic if it involves ugly dudes. The Sappho Series circumvents this dilemma by releasing the Girls-Only “Against Her Will 2.”
Truth time: I don’t actually know how to ride a bike. Well, I’m learning. I was a willful child and I thought rollerblading would be cool forever, but what did I know? I didn’t know that bikes would be such a big deal for the urban navigation of a carless twenty-something and certainly didn’t know that they could be sexy. Traveling erotic film festival Bike Smut shows how playful, sensual and hot bike culture can be with their latest offering, “Turning Trixxx.”
Internet porn is great. Don’t get me wrong. I totally dig it, but I think that there is always room for something new. I don’t mean in the context of brand new barely legal babes… I mean a site with a unique blend of disparate but ultimately united kinks sprung from the mind (and loins) of a really awesome and innovative performer. Ladies and gentleman, may I present Miss Brookelynne Briar.
We New Yorkers can’t get enough of this crazy wind, huh? First Hurricane Sandy comes through, then we have that Nor’easter freeze the whole place, and now there’s a bonafide Texas Tornado targeting our genitals. Actually, that last weather phenomenon was just for me. Fleshlight sent over the new Alexis Texas texture so I put it to the test (and yes, I do refer to my package as The Test).
For many, female ejaculation feels like the great white whale of female sexuality: rumored to be out there, but near impossible to actually experience firsthand. But according to Tristan Taormino, things needn’t be so fraught. After all, “Every woman has a gspot, so every woman has the potential to ejaculate.”
When large-breasted Latinas must suck off an uncircumcised man in his beige-carpet-meets-floor-to-ceiling-blinds apartment, you’ve got today’s featured story.
We realize you can get porn anywhere and that the porn we recommend isn’t necessarily going to float your boat, but when we look at twelve years-worth of high quality amateur porn woven into one of the most elegantly designed and fun-to-navigate websites we’ve ever seen, we hope you’ll take our word for it. Abby Winters may have moved from Australia to Amsterdam, but now that we’ve spent some time with their site, they’ll always be at home in our hearts.
DVD is dying and the future of porn is all online; it’s sad but true. Still, we take great comfort knowing that one of our favorite directors, Lee Roy Myers, is keeping his craft alive by directing half-hour scenes for Brazzers. We had the chance to browse through his latest work, and we’d like to share our favorites with you.
Phoenix Marie is a brick house. You want her to show up in some Bukowski story or R. Crumb comic out-drinking the mailman. But since we don’t make those movies too much, it’s good to see her in warrior drag, squiring around Lexi Belle, who looks tiny by comparison.
Every one of these “Latina Hoodrats” knows what she’s getting into, but we still feel sorry for them. I think there’s an audience for that.
We’d hope to see barefoot porn lesbians romp in a pillowy joyride of Sapphtastic bliss in “Wet Between Her Legs,” but we like our lesbians coy and vulnerable, not practiced and cold.
If you’re the kind of person who spends a lot of time thumbing through smut on your Android device, then I highly recommend you download Planet Pron. It’s elegant, easy to use, and gives you quick access to a huge variety of porn. Sure, there are a few kinks to work out here and there, but how nitpicky can you get about a free app that connects you to loads of naughty pics and vids?
Nina Hartley and Ron Jeremy are such talented kids; why couldn’t “Nina Loves Ron” give them the star vehicle they deserve? It’s still good, but it could have been pretty awesome.