Just because she’s dressed like she’s on “Baywatch” doesn’t mean she’ll be jumping in the water to drag your ass to the shore. It depends: are you cute? Do you think she’s cute? Would you be willing to polish her sunglasses and brush the sand off her nipples? Do you even remember what “Baywatch” was like as a TV show? We sure don’t.
Danielle, darling, your freckles are the bomb. We’re also big fans of your inverted nipples, but dollars to donuts, we’re all about the spray of human leopard spots upon your gorgeous and angular face. Also, we’re all about donuts–having mentioned them, we’re now craving them.
It’s been quite a while since we first encountered Henrik Purienne’s photography, but we haven’t forgotten his style. Who could forget the sight of a hot semi-naked babe freakin’ up on an old computer chair? Not us. Not with our obsession of ergonomics.
Can’t nobody tell Rhana da Rocha how to dress. Yes, she is a model, and she has to wear fancy fashion items in order to make a living, but she’s free to wear things how she pleases. If she want to use a purse as a bra, she can; if she wants to wear her jacket backwards and show her ass off, then her buns shall be chilly. That shall be righteously chilly.
You want to take a shower with Meve, everybody wants to take a shower with Meve, but you have a long way to go before you get there. If you’re patient enough to wait for her to take off her various tops, if you can manage not to stare too hard at her tits, you still have to prevent yourself from being petrified by her eyes–them balls are aquamarine!
Miranda, honey, sweetie, we hate to break it to you like this, but we think you need to have a chat with your clothing about your future together. We get that you’re a model, and fashion is important to you and your career, but it’s starting to look like there’s some strife between you and whatever fabric is blocking your boobs at any given moment. Maybe it’s time to address the issue. Better yet, undress the issue!
We’re not entirely sure why this Remi Rebillard gallery is called “The Philosophy Student,” although we think the model might actually be one, but we’ve known a few philosophy majors in our time and this sums them up perfectly. Humans naked in a strange light, trying to fit themselves into uncomfortable concepts as best they can, looking through windows that are also doors that are possibly locked and show us more about them (and their pubes) than anything cosmic or existential.
Think about how far swimsuits have come over the years. They used to be full-body numbers you had to don in bathing machines before being pushed into the ocean, and now we have string bikinis so skimpy you’d swear they were made from guitar strings. What does the future hold? Look at Monika Jagaciak for the answer: tits out, suspenders up, sexual tension everywhere.
You might think Michea Crawford is being silly, but ask yourself this: if you get invited to the funeral of a famous modern dance choreographer who was known for highly eroticized performances, how are you going to dress? Yeah, that’s right, you’re going to dress just like Michea and the veil over your face will be swirled around like soft serve on the sexy cone that is your body.
Somebody is finally standing up to the sun and treating it like the continuous explosion of a massive fusion device that it is, and we’re glad that somebody is Cora Keegan with no clothes on. Nothing says, “Screw you and your sunspots and your helium” quite like the agonized arches of a naked model.
Badder than old King Kong, meaner than a junkyard dog? Let’s not cast aspersions on her character like that. For all we know, Lauren could spend her spare time volunteering at homeless shelters and teaching orphans to read. Just because she puts on a few jewels and shows her tits and becomes a lean mean mama, that doesn’t mean she’s Cruella de Vil.
What does it take to make a sexy spread such as this? Not much: some dramatic makeup, a woman in charge of her own body, a few gestures that signify independence while also suggesting an absurd damsel-in-distressness. Eliza Sys could probably get in a sexy state no matter what she’s up to, but this gallery is over the top hot thanks to a special secret ingredient: Pierre Dal Corso!
Do you ever find that you’re so tired, all you want to do is check into the nearest hotel and pass out naked on their clean sheets? It doesn’t matter if you’re in your hometown, you need the isolation, the anonymity, the strange whiff of shared sexuality that a hotel room offers. We need to believe we’re in a place where Cecilie has shrugged off her drowsiness with her nipples erect the whole time.
You know what? Everybody deals with chairs and tables differently and at different paces, and Polina has to do what she has to do. If she has to get totally naked and grind up on furniture until she figures it out or gets too full of splinters to keep trying, then gosh darnit, we’re going to watch. We owe that to her.
Some people have a problem with models smoking cigarettes–either because it glorifies an unhealthy habit or it shows the slow erosion of beauty–but we’re trying to take this from an aesthetic standpoint. We like what Marique Schimmel is doing here. We like the smoke curled near her eye, we like the position of her hands delicately holding the cigarette.
Truth be told, her steely gaze doesn’t make us feel all that welcome (nor does her Steely Dan), but those marvelous nipples of hers are skeleton keys that flip all the pins and shake every tumbler in our hearts. You could say that we’re suckers for puffy nipples, but that wouldn’t be quite right. We’re suckers of puffy nipples, ideally.
Abbey Lee Kershaw went to the punk-themed Met Gala on Monday with a mission. While browsing and shmoozing and casually boozing, she lifted up her dress and revealed the words GUN CONTROL written across her stomach–along with some underboob and her pretty panties. Never has a celebrity announced his or her stance on a hot issue in such a brilliant way.
We love tide pools! They’re tiny, rich, isolated worlds that come alive with the rhythm of the waves–just like Miranda Kerr. She might not have sea anemones and hermit crabs scuttling around her, but she still makes a very important dent in the sand, and we’d love to dip our hands into her cool, refreshing, educational waters.
When you’re alone and life is making you lonely, you can always look down at your chest! At least, some of us can, namely Elsa Hosk. All she has to do is tilt her head and marvel at the breasts that are so near perfection that must’ve been made from a magic mannequin, and her troubles all melt away.
The last time we saw Jenny Sinakberg, she was chilling with some trees (of the arboreal variety, not the other kind), totally nude, getting her picture taken by Julie Pine, and making us want to rip off our clothes and join her in the wild. With this new glimpse of Jenny, we now know that this whole naked nature thing is a regular deal for her. That makes us love her ever more.