We wouldn’t exactly call this a tribute–it probably wouldn’t be appropriate to make a tribute to a relatively scary mental disturbance–it’s more of a dramatization of one woman’s sexual sleepwalking. Regardless, it’s haunting and beautiful and way better than that porn movie about sexsomnia.
Oh, Love magazine, what an accurate name you have. This fine publication has given us some of our favorite pictures of nude models, such as this one of Kelly Brook and the mullet makeout session between Kate Moss and Natalia Vodianova. Now we’re grooving upon a series of moody black and white pics by Sølve Sundsbø, and we’re finally starting to feel the season change for the better.
Bruce Springsteen got by on nothing but denim and flesh, and look at him now! He’s great. Still, David Bellemere felt that something more was needed, so he gave his model a wallet chain (classic) and sprayed her with, uh, a slurry of water and flour. In other news, we have a new crush and her name is Cisco Tschurtschenthaler!
We love us some Treats! Magazine, and we’re excited for the newest issue to come out. Why? Honestly, we don’t know. We have no idea what’s inside that magazine. However, we know that the cover features a big ol’ three-page full-frontal foldout of Xenia, and that’s enough of a reason for us to drop our jaws.
Damn, y’all, it seems like every time we blink, Wolf Magazine comes out with a new video that melts our pants. First we grooved upon a metamorphic mama “Chrysalis,” then we got down with some leather love in “Iron Maiden,” and now we have Aleksandra Rastovic adding Half-Naked Writhing to the list of cardinal sins. This magazine knows exactly what we love.
The cover was supposed to be revealed tonight on “The Late Show with David Letterman,” but a blogger leaked the image early and now we know that Kate Upton got the cover of the Swimsuit Issue for the second year in a row. Congratulations are in order: congrats to Kate, congrats to Sports Illustrated, and most importantly, congrats to cleavage! (That cleavage sure works hard.)
How does this triptych make you feel? Aroused? Angry? Jealous? We feel that we ought to check because yesterday Helen Flanagan went out without a bra and today she’s popping up (and out of her shirt) in FHM, and we wouldn’t be surprised if the following days, weeks, and months continue to bring more and more of Helen’s heaving chest. So before we go any further, we want to hear how you feel.
When we saw the horses hanging around, we thought this was footage from Michaela Bodenmiller’s shoot, but that was for Mirage, not Treats!, and had nothing to do with Steve Shaw. Still, it’s kind of funny that both magazines chose to shoot naked babes hanging out with horses. Is this because the federal government is trying to figure out what to do with all the wild mustangs roaming around Wyoming? We bet it is.
Is he rescuing her, kidnapping her, putting her to bed, or simply using her to work on his biceps? Perhaps he’s recently opened an exclusive celebrity gym where you get to bench press fully nude babes (it’s so much more organic than lifting weights).
Follow-up question: why is it that the name Jessica becomes a dozen times sexier when you spell it Jesica, as in Jesica Herenu? Are we suckers for a strangely-spelled name, or are we attracted to the economy of her lettering? Could this have something to do with the fact that Jesica’s boobs are looking a little sensitive and strangled in that harness of hers? Signs point to yes.
We would totally read a six-page article about super popular Italian chef Carlo Cracco and his thoughts about food and wine in GQ Italy. Even if there weren’t any pictures, we’d read it, because it sounds interesting. However, if GQ wants to include pictures of Kristy Goretskaya and Jessica Dykstra flashing their tits at him and plopping their asses on his cutting board, we certainly won’t object.
It’s funny how we feel extremely close to Anthea and yet so very distant from her at the same time. Yes, we can practically taste the lollipop that she holds above her gumdrop nipples and our hands feel caked with the tennis court dust on her ass, yet she’s in France in good weather and we have no idea what that’s like anymore.
It’s a new magazine to obsess over. It’s like making a new friend! We’re gonna stay up late together, talk about babes, and then, uh, there’s not much you can do with a stack of paper. But whatever, we’re going to read the heck out of it, wait for the next one, and then repeat the process forever because we are forever running dangerously low on naked South American fashion models.
We think this young new model will really make a name for herself in the coming years, and her love of fishnet body stockings will surely take her far–maybe even to hardcore pornography! Hey, when’s the last time a glamour model has gone fully pornographic? We think Alexis Ford may have been the last one, and we’re overdue for another: come on down, Sashy Grey, your time is now.
We can already feel those titties kicking in. We’re getting the big yawns for no reason, there’s a strange pressure behind our ears, and we’re starting to salivate like crazy. Please don’t be offended if we put on some Kubrick film; we’re still paying attention to the boobs, we just need something to distract ourselves while we come up.
What are you going to say? “She’s using too much water, this is bad for the environment.” Can you think of a better use for water? Come on, man, the earth is 70% water, every human is 70% water, and we’re clearly made to douse our chests with the stuff so people can see our tits through our tanktops.
Now is the time of day when we usually post an upskirt photo, but it seems like the paparazzi are a little low on their wares at the moment. No matter! We found pictures of Alison Brie in Nylon Guys magazine, and not only is she showing her panties, but her cleavage is out and her face is pretty and nobody doesn’t like Alison Brie.
Just when we thought this Kate Middleton sunbathing business was dying down, another magazine publishes more pictures of her and gives us a glimpse (albeit a very blurry one) of the Duchess of Cambridge’s undercarriage. Yes, that’s Middleton muff right there, courtesy of a Danish gossip magazine.
If you’re like us, you’ve been following the stuff put out by Purple Magazine–especially the photos taken by Terry Richardson–and you’ve seen hundreds of boobs go by. Can you remember any of them? Did any of them impact your life? Well, don’t answer just yet, it’s time to take a trip down
memory titty lane.
We’re onto you, Pure Filth Magazine, we see what you’re up to. You think you can just take Fleshbot’s former tagline (Pure Filth) and slap it on a publication about graffiti and photography? Well, you can. We were thinking about throwing a hissy fit but then we noticed that next issue’s cover is shot by Ellen Stagg. We approve of everything here, Pure Filth. Well done.