Yessir. This is how it’s done. Anybody who ever says porn never emphasizes female pleasure can suck a bag of Lexi Belle’s pussies (this insult/threat is for a world in which you could reproduce Lexi Belle’s nether regions enough times to fill a bag and humiliate the anti-porn haters, which for many many reasons is a world we want to live in).

It’s like Munch’s The Scream (of Nature), but with a good amount more jizz involved (we presume). And a little less terror. This babe isn’t overcome by the pandemonium of life’s tumult, no — rather, she welcomes the chaotic joy that is a bursting load of cum. And if this is the way in which she does it, that’s a-okay with us. It’s endearing. It’s artful. It’s Facial Friday.

Oh, you — you do. Well, good. Then there’s no issue here. From the sounds of it, you really like it. That’s great! We’re into that. We’re also into the cameraman taking it upon himself to rub one out while he’s watching. Kudos, sir!

Oh, that Bobbi Starr! She seems a tad on the devilish side, but all she really wants is a bitchboy who can do what she demands. Is that so much to ask? So maybe dragging a cannonball weight with your dick is sort of difficult — we say man up! And maybe undoing the delicate straps of Bobbi’s shoe with your teeth (and not biting!) is a challenge… But just do it! If we’re feeling exasperated, we can only imagine what Bobbi has in store.

We’re not sure we ever thought of anal fucking as demure, but hey, there’s a first time for everything! We love the very considerate and thoughtful way this dick enters this ass, like a gentleman courtier asking a lady for a dance. Although we’re not sure how well this particular kind of ass-dance would go over in the bygone courts of royal personages. Possibly famously! We mean, what else would people entertain themselves with before the internet? A real live royal ass-bang seems like quite the ticket.

It’s one of the funnest sports out there, don’t you know. And all it takes to really succeed is two horndog pervs and a camera with a remote zoom option! It’s thrilling, it’s rewarding, and best of all, it’s sexy. BJs, cowgirl, missionary — it’s all fair game so long as you get that cummy prize in the end. This blows the hottie babes of tennis off the court. (Although we do love you and your skirts and grunts, ladies of tennis). But yeah. This has to be our favorite spectator event.

Welcome to a little lovepile, courtesy of the 1970s. We’ve got babes lickin’ babes! Dudes bangin’ butts! Babes bangin’ themselves! And basically everything in between. But here’s the catch: is it all a dream? We don’t really care either way, because dreamland looks pretty darn real to us. And it’s the kind of dream we really like.

This pussy is having a pretty great day as far as days for pussies go. It must be her birthday or something! Kook at all these lovely gifts: there’s a fun vibrating dildo all up in her business, and a hottie cock (and subsequent load) deep within her. We should have bought something; how inconsiderate. All we can offer is a very heartfelt fapalong. It beats a singing telegram! (We think). And it’s the thought that counts, anyway, right?

It’s the harmonious union of two of our favorite ladyparts with our hands-down favorite dude-part. It’s like a trinity of body-lovin’ goodness: hand, mouth, dick. How many ways can you put them together that we’ll enjoy? Probably any. But hand on dick positioning jizz to mouth is right up there.

Come on, did any of you put your hands up? Dorks! But, uh, just kidding. We’re just saying that we stand firmly on the side of fresh, teenage asshole. Though we’re sure you already knew that. But we’re not the only ones! This dude does too!

We guess we’re really not all too familiar with Turkish culture when it comes down to it, but if this little modification of the standard 69 is any indication, they must typically be an inventive and delightful people. This is like a 69 with extra 1s and 5s thrown in or something — it’s got fingers in the bum; it’s got morphing into facedown doggystyle with dildo-on-prostate playtimes — in other words, it’s got it all.

That probably comes as a no-brainer. But we’re sometimes reminded that, despite all the hardcore fetishistic freaky stuff we’re into, all it takes to get us going is, simply, a babe in a chair. A babe who’s engaged in some fervent clit-rubbing. We’re pretty uncomplicated creatures when it comes down to it.

We’d like to go to a naked pool party with Alexis Texas. That’d be great — we’ll bring the floaties! We’re really cool with Alexis’s guest of the day being Jayden Jaymes, though. You need nary a float around when their buoyant booties and lovely breasts join forces. And then they go down on your dick. Yeah, that’s poppin’ plenty quick.

When you think about it, there really is an entire genre of porn that is essentially daytime soap operas without the pan to the fireplace. The cheezy production quality and the cliche dialogue and the melodramatic acting are all there – but this time, so is the bodice-ripping back-stabbing super-naughty double-crossing FUCKING.

Any time you want to dress up porn in lots of lycra and glitter and some sort of intergalactic melodrama, we are so in. And Out. And in. And Out. The fate of the universe may be in our hands, in fact.

Anal certainly has a reputation for being rough and raunchy, and with good reason. Just feast your eyes on Dana Dearmond with her legs bent back, getting her gaping asshole stuffed full of her panties, and you’ll have an idea of what we mean.

Okay, so we can’t say we know for sure what a facial from God would look like (a hurricane? monsoon season?) but with the celestial light surrounding this babe, we think she just might be an angel. Albeit one that’s dripping with a massive cumload, but that only serves to augment her ethereal beauty. Who needs flowing, silvery robes when you can have ropes of gossamer cum all up on your face? Nobody, that’s who! Oh, Facial Friday, we sing your praises.

Hey, sometimes the best part of vacation happens without leaving the confines of your hotel room. There’s premium cable, delectable room service, a king-sized bed, blackout curtains, and plenty of space for good lovin’. Now, maybe with the Empire State Building or the Champs-Élysées right out your window, you know, eventually you should get out there. But there’s nothing wrong with scheduling some bone-time in on your itinerary. We think it makes the whole trip go a bit more smoothly (and funly).

Wow. Looks like it’s pretty nice to be Tony Ribas! There he is just minding his own business when all of a sudden he’s stormed by two busty brunettes on a mission to take him for their own. They wordlessly force him to turn his cock over to them — all of it — and take his face for a ride. He’s a good sport about it, though, which we think is the correct response.

These guys. Oh, we could follow their sexual escapades forever. From her first delirious moans upon initial penetration, to him just railing on her from behind, there’s much to see and appreciate here. And with their creative camera positioning, we’re put in a great place to enjoy their positioning. Bring on your ass, your pussy, your hot, bushy chicks! Your ballsacks, your vibrators, your doggystyle dicks! Yeah, we like it all.