We’re having some intense deja vu with these pictures of a braless Maria Fowler (we call it deja boob), but we definitely haven’t ever posted them before. Could it be that all seethrough pictures have the same look? Did we dream of Maria’s illuminated tits last night and are feeling the collapse of prophecy and reality into this dimension?
The time was right, Cara Delevingne. It’s nighttime, you’re with a posse, you’re moving through a crowd, the photographer has the sharp angle on your cleavage, and your nipple would be right there except for the pasties on your boob. Almost, Cara. Almost.
Helen is Pharrel Williams’s fiancee–we didn’t know he was engaged, so congrats to them! Anyhow, it seems like a combination of high heels on slippery cobblestones caused Helen to trip; Pharrel helped her keep her balance, and the bodyguard helped, but we’re pretty sure the bodyguard also caused her top to come loose and thus reveal her breast. The road to boob slips is paved with good intentions! Also cobblestones!
Wait, can we use Instagram as a verb? Anyway, Rihanna posted this photo to her Instagram account with the caption “I’m a fan of all my fans! They left the concert and went to #WERK #VIPtix #diamondsworldtour” but then took it down soon after. People saw the nipple piercing (which is beautiful) and then instantly assumed it was RiRi’s. But we know better than that–we know there should’ve been a tattoo beneath those boobs!
We’re not saying these boobs aren’t spectacular, we’re just saying that they’re mostly from America and the U.K. and 93% of them are white. What we need is a lad’s mag that’s willing to scour every inch of the Earth, climb to remote mountainside villages, and find the hidden breasts of legend.
Rebecca Hall doesn’t mind the world seeing her wonderful boobs, so it’s no wonder she figured she would choose an outfit for the Iron Man premier that covers her front and utterly failed to cover her sideboob. Or, utterly succeeds in showing her sideboob, if you wanna think positive thoughts. Also by covers her front, we mean plunging neckline.
We’re fascinated by this photo, not only because of Michelle’s massive breasts (which are actually F-cups, sorry), but also by her facial expression and curiously posed fingers. We want to understand you, Michelle. What do you want? Sunglasses? We bet that’s the international sign for “Put sunglasses in my hands now, please.”
It is nice that porn-watching can still be a journey of discovery.
Actually, it’s not our blouse, it’s Jennie Garth’s (you probably remember her as Kelly Taylor on “90210″), but we feel like we have a stake in it now. We’re like prospectors coming across a fine couple of mountains, finding gold in the valley between them, and laying our claim to the territory.
She squeezes her boobs together, tosses them this way and that, licks tiny nipples, but looks approachable, like the woman this morning at Peet’s Coffee (I just realized she reminds me of the friendly cashier at the Peet’s in my old neighborhood).
We’ve never seen Zosia Mamet’s boobs on “Girls”–we got close that one time with the oral sex and Zosia’s pretty bra, but that was it–but now that her character has a boyfriend, we wonder if Zosia will let it all hang out. If the dress she wore on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” is any indication, the chances look very good.
Damn, the last time we saw Joanna Krupa’s rad bod was in 2012–November of 2012. What has she been doing? Where have the cameras been? What happened to the gnomes we hired to record Krupa’s every beach excursion? We’re happy that this exquisite side view of her breastness showed up, but still, we need to get our money back.
This movie should have been called “Women with Large Breasts Whose Breasts Are Temporarily Moistened Prior to Fucking, And Then Forgotten About.”
With those huge boobs and fierce round areolae popping through her thin white shirt, Graciella reminds us of a butterfly who has bird eye patterns on her wings to scare off large predators. The unique bikini-born angle of her tanlines makes those boobs look like angry eyes–what a great way to prevent people from staring!
This little monster thinks she’s getting her hero’s autograph, but little does she know that Lady Gaga has claimed those breasts for all eternity. What will she do with that extra (big and bouncy) rack? We haven’t a clue. Ten bucks says they show up as part of a dress,
We have three theories about this dress and how it got to be on Kim Kardashian’s body. Theory 1: This dress is Kim’s tribute to Powergirl. Theory 2: This is Kim’s tribute to the Large Hadron Collider; she’s honoring the observance of the Higgs boson by showing us the spot where her breasts collide. Theory 3: Kanye chose this dress for her (it happens).
At first glance, we say she’s showing at least three quarters of each breast, but if we’re going to be precise about it–which we’re obviously doing because precision is everything–then she’s really showing slightly less than that. Let’s say we’re looking at five eighths of each titty. If you want to be a real stickler, say seven twelfths. The point is: hella cleavage.
Maybe it’s just the shadow of her tits on the wall, or maybe we’re going through a particularly virulent bout of wishful thinking today, but we think Emily Ratajkowski’s boobs are looking notably heavier and heftier than usual. Fortunately for us, we have many other pictures of her breasts to compare these to. That’s called being prepared.
In today’s edition of “Why Don’t American ___ Involve ___?” we’re complaining about the lack of nudity in our fine country’s fundraisers. Chileans get to see their celebrities compete in nipple-tassel flashing contests in order to raise money for something or other, and what do we get? Reality Stars on Ice? Jon Voight dancing with the guys from Chabad House?
We were so close! Everything was perfect: the lights were bright, the dress was translucent, the bra was taken out by a hitman weeks ago, and there was a camera standing by to take a picture at chest level. Then Katy went ahead and put pasties on her nipples. You know what the ironic part is? Those pasties are nipple-colored.