…and by that I mean there’s always a good reason for a “Big Boob Orgy.”

“This Ain’t the Smurfs XXX” isn’t the first blue movie based on Saturday morning cartoons. It isn’t even the first blue blue movie (that would be “This Ain’t Avatar XXX”), but it is the first blue blue movie filmed in Larry Flynt’s office.

Look through Fleshbot’s archives and you will see that there’s porn for everyone—even viewers who dig watching people have sex uncomfortably. Not the delightful Krissy Lynn, zesty cover model of “She’s So Anal”; in fact, we are happy she puts her best ane forward.

“I wish my pussy was fatter, like my butt,” says Kristina Rose in “Buttman: Focused,” a porn compendium like every dirty National Geographic rolled into one. “That way my front butt would match my back butt.”

The rulebound and trussed-up world of Ernest Greene’s “O” movies is filled with sadder-but-wiser characters who wield sex with solemnity. Title character Bobbi Starr embarks on a hands-on mission to find her replacement.

Porn teaches us so much. Did you know that routine discrimination by uniformly hot girls against negligibly smaller uniformly hot girls was a thing? Neither did we until “Revenge of the Petites.”

If you couldn’t read English, you might assume from the boxcover of “Exit Holes 2″ that it was your standard Porn Lesbian movie featuring healthy pole dancers who hunt the Lickalotapuss now and then. But Oh My God.

But lest you think this movie is going to get all envelope-pushing like Kirdy Stevens’ “Taboo” series, remember that these people have no pubic hair, so it doesn’t count.

If you are concerned about being anally penetrated, says the Surgeon General, don’t get winded.

As any woman who has met him knows, Manuel Ferrara is a powerfully handsome and charming man. He is also gracious, admitting that he has borrowed these attributes from me. In “Raw 9,” we are treated to a scene in which he and the beautiful Isis Taylor charm the pants off each other.

This year, tell Mom you’re grateful you weren’t an ass baby.

It is like watching a sex clown. The impressively constructed French pornstress Anissa Kate sits spread-legged in an outfit designed like a 14-year-old’s MySpace page and sucking the life out of a lollipop.

It’s a war out there, what with those great Dove ads saying one thing, obesity watchdogs warning something different, naturally skinny women getting demonized, and me with this great new alfredo sauce recipe. But we don’t consider BMI when we look at someone like Siri; we just see Sexy.

Little spinning minx Remy La Croix might just become the poster girl for the Ant-Masturbation Lobby for her brave Schlong Quest in the film “Innocent But Nasty.”

You might be surprised, but one of the simple joys of the rarefied world of Porn Journalism is encountering people who are comfortable being naked. But it’s even more fun when those people get out of their comfort zone.

Sasha Swift, a bored 22-year-old Russian mail-order bride in “Anal Size My Wife 3,” is nearly incoherent with sexual frustration. Read on to see how much of the backstory (heh) we filled in.

Nacho Vidal’s style of lovemaking might not be for the oversized coffee cup/scented candle crowd in their appliqued cat sweatshirts, but even his heart breaks with love—over the frank Kayla Carrera—in “Made in USA.”

I once had the pleasure of having my spot stolen by Mr. Robin “Lifestyles of the Rich And Famous” Leach during the AVN Awards red carpet. Had I arrived? Had he fallen? What did that mean for Dave Navarro? Anyway, if only I’d known about “Spandex Loads” then, I could have reclaimed my purloined space by shouting “Add these to your caviar dreams, Rupert Murdoch!”

The Mondo Family (which also brought us the fascinating/awful “Brides of Countess Recula“) is responsible for some of the worst-shot pornography in history. But it’s impossible not to watch it because even they didn’t know what would happen.

Mopey teen Lisa (Lily Labeau) is none-too-enthused that her cash-strapped parents (Julia Ann and Evan Stone) have invited French exchange student Bridgette (Angell Summers) into their home. Will it help if she fucks her host family?