Here are a handful of pictures of a cute blonde woman getting her tanlines out. Allegedly, the woman is question is Jessica Hart, a popular Australian swimsuit model, and as much as we’d like to believe that we’re peeping upon the petite breasts of a famous female, we have our doubts. Let’s investigate together, shall we?

Guess what just became a little more awesome? Television! Paul Abbott, the creator of “Shameless,” just came out with a six-part drama starring Chloe Sevigny as a contract killer who gets word from a cancer-stricken ex-girlfriend that she fathered a son eleven years ago. How cool does that sound? A daring actor, an original concept, and nudity? We must’ve done something nice to deserve all this!

Can you name any of Julia Roberts’s movies that have been pornified recently? We can’t. Fortunately, Nica Noelle has remedied this situation by making a smutty adaptation of the ever-popular “Pretty Woman,” the story of a young, sassy, and beautiful prostitute and the rich gentleman who falls in love with her. You’re probably dying to know who takes Julia’s role, or Richard Gere’s role. More importantly, who will be the porn version of Jason Alexander?

We’re used to thinking of the ass as a passive body part–a sweet but sensitive spot just waiting for fingers and tongues to please it–but these young women remind us that the ass can be active as well. Think of the squeeze, the heat, the cheeks resting gently on your face: that’s a touch of ass.

We’ve seen Riley Reid play the young angle before, but have we ever seen her looking this glammed out? Short answer: no. Long answer: her butthole is shining like a diamond. You better get your sunglasses.

It not that she wants to show you her vulva, it’s that she doesn’t have enough time to deal with panties today. Anabelle is far too busy not giving a fuck about anything to worry about whether your eyeballs settle on her pubic stubble or small yet plump butt. She can handle one cigarette, a handful of poses, and that’s it. (We’re in love.)

Esquire UK coughed up a few preview photos of Rihanna looking all topless and sexy, and nobody is surprised. We, however, are surprised that we keep having to mention that Rihanna is topless. Can we just say “Rihanna” and you can assume the rest? It would save us time.

For real, New Sensations? We understand what it means, and we can even imagine one of these saucy Eurobabes saying it seductively, but you are making us work for it.

Ash Hollywood has been in the porn industry for about two years now, and she’s already proven herself to be as talented and versatile an actress as she is an erotic performer. As the wise Gram Ponante once said, “given just a little nudge, I think everyone in the world would like to have sex with Ash Hollywood.”

Can you guess who’s dating Kimberly Kane? For real, try and guess! And no looking at the logo in the corner of this picture, that’s cheating. Whatever, we just gave it away. It’s Igor of Driven By Boredom fame! Our heart grows happy when two talented people get together. Let us celebrate by looking at some brand new pics of Kimberly.

It’s not that she’s having bad sex–clearly her cowgirl riding is so good that it deserves to be seen from above–it’s just that technology gets in the way of real human connections. At one point she’s shtupping a guy who only wants to see her through his cell phone, at another, she’s dealing with a gent who has too many vibrators. Life is hard for Lara.

What do you do with your mouth during sex? We’re not asking you where you put it or how you move it, we’re asking about the words you use. Do you like talking during sex? What about when you’re not having sex–have you ever been turned on by a special phrase uttered by a special person? Today we’re going to explore dirty language and those who truly get off with words.

People today are all about texting, playing video games, and having non-stop thumb wrestling tournaments, and all this can really take a toll on your most precious of digits. That’s why we, your uncertified and unofficial doctors, recommend exercising your thumbs by using them to rub circles around a pair of wet pussies. It might not help your fingers, but it’s certainly a better use of your time than texting.

“Red Vacance Black Wedding” is actually two movies rolled into one, “Red Vacance” and “Black Wedding,” and each story deals with old flames, passionate escapes, and poor decisions. One lucky man gets to be in both parts, first as the young professor who has a thrilling affair with an engaged student, and then as a married man with a hot, petite mistress.

Every time Bobbi Starr comes out with another movie, we feel like we need to set aside a week to watch it because every scene is so gosh darn hardcore. Such is the case with “Kiss Me, Lick Me, Fuck Me,” a two-disc tribute to the feeling of Bobbi’s knuckles working their way inside a girl’s ass.

The people who brought you the various iterations of “Underbelly” are back with another series about the seedy yet seductive lives of criminals: “Bikie Wars: Brothers at Arms.” The term “bikie” might not inspire much awe, but wait till you see how these people party! It’s all about boobs, beer, mud, and endless whooping.

BiBi Jones, one of the beautiful Digital Playground contract stars, spends all day naked and having sex on camera, and then she goes home, takes pictures of her body in the mirror, and tweets them to her followers. The way we see it, there are two possible explanations: either she loves her fans dearly, or she needs nudity to live.

Miley Cyrus, a.k.a. The Braless Wonder, was bending over to pick up her puppy, and some clever camera holder snagged a quick pic of her hanging boob. Our immediate thoughts upon seeing this: “If only that dog had been a little shorter or put up a fight. This is why we should have control of all animals.”

We know it’s not good to spend hours and hours in the tub, but that’s all we want to do after looking at these pictures of Alice Goodwin. Wrinkled fingers be damned! Oh, and by the way, we heard that Alice’s breasts are actually G-cups (also known as “Goodwin-cups”).

If the love of your life–the cutest and smartest girl in your school–got into Oxford and you didn’t, what would you do? If you said, “Fake a bunch of test scores, acceptance letters, and scholarships and then follow her,” you’re either a scary stalker or headed for hot, soul-baring sex with Amaia Salamanca!