Once again, your gal pals have stuck you with the burden of planning a bridal shower and everybody wants something different. One girl is gluten-free, two are vegan, and there's ...
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Forgive us, for we once again must skip a letter (U) in favor of one with better words for our beloved Encyclopedia of Smut. Please feel free to pretend we’re Roman and V is the same thing as U. Anyway, virgins: what are we doing talking about them on a website about porn?
These guys. Oh, we could follow their sexual escapades forever. From her first delirious moans upon initial penetration, to him just railing on her from behind, there’s much to see and appreciate here. And with their creative camera positioning, we’re put in a great place to enjoy their positioning. Bring on your ass, your pussy, your hot, bushy chicks! Your ballsacks, your vibrators, your doggystyle dicks! Yeah, we like it all.
Well, shit. Just look at that thing, will ya? We’re a little wide-eyed and awestruck… But Kiki Minaj jumps right into action. Apparently this shockingly-endowed fellow, Danny D, works from home and Kiki’s sick and tired of seeing him languish in front of the computer. So she decides to bang some life into him and, well, we think that’s a great idea. We work from home and wouldn’t mind hearing Kiki knock on our door. But we’re torn. Because our work-from-home work entails watching stuff like this, and delivering it to y’all. How would we reconcile these scenarios? Our worlds are conflating! Ahhh! We better take a minute, look at this big-ass cock, and breathe.
…even if Lisa Ann’s never having given birth excludes her from being a “pure” MILF, we’re happy to make her an honorary one.
Dudes can find dudes with their smartphones, hetero individuals can find other heteros too, but what about ladies looking for ladies? Why isn’t there a lusty locator app for the vaginally-inclined among us? There is! (Or there soon will be!) It’s called The Sizzr, and it needs your help getting off the ground.
Y’all know I’ve got basically every kind of sex toy under the sun. I love and appreciate them all for their differences and particular merits. One thing that’s eluded me in all my years of toying, however, is the simplest, the most basic and fundamental of toys: the dildo. That’s it — the straight-up dildo. I guess I was taken in by all the bells and whistles of space-age future toys that I let this elemental tool escape me. My bad.
Upon seeing these pictures, the first thing that popped into our heads is how much we want Pillsbury Funfetti cupcakes for our next birthday. Is that weird? What if we told you we want the frosting to be shaped like Helen Flanagan’s huge titties spilling out of her colorful corset? Less weird? No? Whatever, it’s our birthday, not yours.
We kind of didn’t think about all the potential wrought within the piledriving pose — luckily, these two did. Why, look! You can piledrive a beej way down into your babe’s throat-hole, you can get a great new angle in pussy-jizzing, and (naturally) you can really engage in some great alternative dicking. Clever, clever amateurs — giving us something to strive for every day.
Once again, your gal pals have stuck you with the burden of planning a bridal shower and everybody wants something different. One girl is gluten-free, two are vegan, and there’s that one who won’t give up the damn Atkins diet. What will you serve? Don’t worry about it: Rico Strong, Lexington Steele, Prince Yahshua, and Jon Jon have you covered (in jizz).
If not for Rio, we never would’ve seen Demi Moore and Michelle Johnson go topless and make Michael Caine uncomfortable! If they had decided to make a movie called “Blame It on Reykjavik,” we’d be lucky to see so much as a shin.
Yes, it’s another one of those pictures that appeared and then quickly disappeared from Rihanna’s Instagram. This was accompanied with the caption, “And that a #wrap!!! #pouritupvideoshoot #whenday2becomesday3 #whenthephuckdid8amgetthere.” How else are you going to celebrate the end of a music video shoot? Flowers and a trip to Denny’s? Hell naw. Thong on thong on ass. That’s how we ball out.
Over the weekend, Friday evening, after a few drinks and dinner, we decided to go for a little walk around the neighborhood drinking our large glasses of red wine. Coming back around to our place we noticed a young woman sitting outside an apartment having just moved in. She was Mid-twenties, , cute face and a nice shape under a very baggy t-shirt.
Strippers hanging out with thugs, criminals spending their free time in strip clubs, private dances turning into assassinations: these are classic tropes of the modern crime film. We’re so used to seeing fake breasts and angry, muscly men next to each other that we’re surprised no one’s saved time and made a movie about a bodybuilding stripper mob. But spanking? That’s a fresh treat.
In the perfect world, we’d take a tip-toe through the tulips with Katie’s nips, but we’re not picky. This fountain mayhem is a great way to cool down and a lovely reminder that Katie Holmes will forever be a hottie. Lord knows who that dude behind her is, but he’s got it made.
It’s a cycle that just makes sense. Although, to be fair, Debbie never actually makes it to Dallas in the flick. But it’s no matter, because we still found plenty of cause for the saucy self-doing. The BJs! The bush! The enthusiastic doggystyle, missionary, and cowgirl (appropriate) deep-dicking! It’s a rich and colorful tapestry of boning, we tell ya.
Samantha looks like one of the girls from Robert Palmer’s “Addicted to Love” band taking a break to puff on a flower with her tits out. If she were smoking a cigarette, we wouldn’t be nearly as infatuated with these pictures (not that we have anything against cigs), but that flower adds an extra level of surrealism to this straightforward shoot.