November 30, 2017 | Posted in Editorial Features by
All right, dearest Fleshlings, let's jump right into this, shall we? Today's Reddit thread - which I have been cackling about all afternoon - is: What's the most unexpected/out of the blue thing your partner has ever done during sex? Sex never fails to amuse me in any capacity.
"Was about two millimeters away from entering this one girl, and she belts out 'OH! Take me to the moon!'"
"He said, in Nigel Thronberry's voice, 'Oh, aluushka, I'm arriving.' It was so awkward but I couldn't stop laughing."
I'm sorry for this.
"My girlfriend is a talker. However, at one point, mid gasping orgasm, 'I always assumed I'd have a wide variety of sexual partners but if this is what you do then I don't see it as a high priority!' It was like having sex with an auctioneer."
"Was once having sex with my SO doggy style and in front of us was a mirror, I waved at her through the mirror and she laughed so hard that she pissed all over my dick and the bed." (Colette edit: My boyfriend does this to me all the time.)
"My boyfriend was eating me out when out of nowhere he blew a shit ton of air into my vagina and it scared me, I jumped and pushed all the air out misting the poor guys face. I laughed so hard at him."
"My roommate and his gf were the type who would always make noise while they were going at it and I was (obviously) never the type to complain. I'd just put on my headphones, turn on Spotify and play some games for a while because awkward conversation would probably kill me both literally and figuratively.
One time however, I took my headphones off to go and get something to eat. They're still going at it. Then he makes a single, really loud 'moooooo!!!!'. Like a cow.
Everything stops. I can hear her ask 'what the fuck?!' (like any sensible person would) and he immediately stops laughing. Long story short, she left and they didn't speak for about a week."
"Ex GF that was a rather talented violinist. Riding me gently and reaches over, grabs her violin and starts to play as she cums. Impressive. And strangely erotic."
It's an amazing that this is a thing, truly.
"My husband spread my ass cheeks...and got face real close to my butt hole and just screamed. Like screamed as loud as he could. It was so violating for a second and then i died laughing."
"One time my fiancée was going down on me when a fly, out of nowhere, swooped into my mouth. I coughed loudly but didn't want to ruin the mood. She looked up and saw... that I had coughed up the fly. There it was. On the side of my face, a dead fly covered in my saliva.
She started, 'Wait is that a fl-' I told her, 'No' and pushed her head back down.
Later, I would tell her the truth, and she found it hilarious."