March 31, 2017 | Posted in Editorial Features by
In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.
We all know someone (or we are that someone) who is just terrible at flirting. No matter how hard they (or I) try, it just always comes out sounding awkward, crazy, or borderline creepy. No matter how hard they (or me) try, they (or me) will never sound smooth or look cool when hitting on someone. In their (or my) difference when you see someone who makes your heart skip a few beats, it can be hard to keep your composure, but for one Florida woman, flirting was a bit too much.
It would seem that there was one particular deputy that caught the eye of Melissa Kelly and she just had to speak to him. As in all causes of bad flirters, the conversation went south quickly and Miss Kelly began to swear at the deputy before going into her house. Appearing briefly in a window, the deputy feared she had gone inside to get a weapon, but when she came back the only weapon she wanted was the one in the deputy's pants.
The deputy reported Kelly “confronted me aggressively and came within inches from my face holding a condom and waving it at me.”
“She then started yelling and screaming towards me, stating, ‘Here try this on for size,’ referring to the Magnum condom she was holding in my face,” an affidavit states.
Miss Kelly was arrested for disturbing the peace and resisting arrest. I guess the only upside is she wasn't locked up for being bad at flirting. So, to all those out there who are terrible at flirting (like me), remember that yelling and waving a condom is someone's face never works... until it does. It never does.