OK, guys. Look. At. This. Closet.
Chowder supervising the addition of shelves to my ridiculous sex toy closet. pic.twitter.com/cHJd0cmdmc— Epiphora (@Epiphora) January 7, 2015
It belongs to Epiphora, the legendary sex toy reviewer behind Hey Epiphora, and she published a blog post today about the beautiful, majestic way in which she stores the 600+ toys she's reviewed over the years. I'm a comparative amateur, but I own so many sexy toys that they fill the entire drawer of my bedside table plus that little flat shelf at the bottom by the base. (What else do people store in their bedside tables? Foot cream? It escapes me.) In comparison, I am an embarrassment.
These, dear Fleshlings, are sex toy storage goals for us all.
Epiphora breaks it all down in her blog post, but here are a few of her storage tactics:
- Plastic drawers to organize, label, and store similar toys.
- An over-the-door shoe rack for dildos and vibrators (along with their accompanying chargers and manuals).
- Extra shelving for lube samples, condoms, beads, Ben Wa balls, sex books, knitted vulvas, and if she were me, Ring for Sex bells.
- You'd think those kinds of bells would be rare, but I have four, none of which I've actually purchased for myself.
And check out how she makes it a fun, sensual space! Epiphora has track lighting and knitted vulva among many other objects, and she painted the closet to give it a little oomph. Everything has its own space, so she can find things when she needs them and is enticed to use the space and show it off. I mean, I would use my toys every hour on the hour if I had this closet.
Anyways, all I'm saying is that a young sex writer can dream, and Epiphora has motivated me to start curating a special little place of my own - even if it's just a tiny corner of my closet. She's also relatable AF:
After a long day, I'm enjoying getting high and hate-reading a BuzzFeed article about sex toys. It's the little things— Epiphora (@Epiphora) February 13, 2017
Do you guys have any special ways you store your toys? Let me know in the comments. Let's just call it organization porn.