Kind Of Changes The Meaning Of "Playing With Yourself"
For all the things I wish my pants where able to do: clean themselves, walk to the hamper and jump in, and most of all make my body look better than it actually is, I have never had the desire, the wish, the dream that my pants could play the drums.
Well, I guess what I really should say is I’ve never had the desire for my pants to also be a mobile drum set. Yes it would seem that a Japanese artist has come up with just such a pair of pants. Yes, the crotch can play music… well, it can drum. The Kaoring Machine has some kind of sensor pad or something right where your drumstick is and with a simple tap you can play a beat. Look, I get the humor of all of this, but I really feel like the Kaoring Machine will a novelty gift that will lose it’s appeal after that one guy we all know gets a pair and wears them to every single party, birthday, sporting event, family reunion, blind date, final exam, college reunion, causal Friday, wake, and every single major holiday. Yeah, we get it, your crotch makes noises…
Call me old fashion, but I guess I just don’t see the point of having a pair of pants that make music. Whatever happened to pulling your pants down and banging your penis on a snare drum? What? Don’t act like you never did that and that’s why they kicked out of band in high school. This isn’t about me! Anyway, no word if the Kaoring Machine, or beats by penis as I like to call it, will actually be available for purchase.