Only in Florida: The Tanned Flasher

Worst Superhero Name Ever

In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.

If you have ever visited the Sunshine State, you know that most of the residents have quite the tanned bodies. What would you expect from people who spend their days enjoying the sun at many, many beaches? But just because you have a great tan doesn’t mean you have to go around showing it off. And by showing it off, I mean flashing your tanned junk at people.  

The Tanned Flasher, which is the worst superhero name ever, has been displaying is junk to people in Vero Beach, Florida.  

According to VBPD, the suspect, who is part of an ongoing investigation, exposed himself to a pair of young females as they exited the beach near Flamevine on Monday, July 11.

The Vero Beach Police Department is currently searching for this man and his very tanned twig and berries.

The bronzed man, who the witnesses say was about 50 years old, was last seen wearing shorts and riding a mountain bike south on Ocean Drive from Flamevine.   

It should be noted that The Tanned Flasher is still out there trying to take over the world one penis flash at a time. If you happen to be a Florida resident and see this guy and his mountain bike, call The Tanned Flasher’s arch-nemesis Detective Farquharson of The Vero Beach Police Department at 772-978-4667 or email him at [email protected].  

When you think about it, having a tan isn’t really that much of an accomplishment. You don’t really have to do much, you just kind of lay there and let the sun do all the work. So, I say to you, Tanned Flasher, you aren’t really impressing anyone.

Via Orlando Weekly