Dear Emma Watson: I Know Where to Find Your Feminist Porn

Emma Watson and Gloria Steinem make for a formidable force when it comes to feminism. They're two huge names who have dedicated a great deal of time and resources to promoting the equality of women, which is pretty fantastic. During a recent interview, though, I was a little disappointed to hear Emma Watson ask for a "feminist alternative to porn." And not because I don't think feminism should be a cornerstone of adult entertainment—considering it's simply about equality of the sexes, I'd argue it should be a pillar of porn entirely. 

Here's the thing, though, Emma: There's a lot of feminist porn out there. In fact, porn is not inherently un-feminist, and a great deal of it does empower women. I can only assume you mean "feminist alternatives to sexist porn" (which would be more than fair enough), as porn doesn't need an alternative to promote female agency. Lucky for you (and me and everyone else), feminist porn is shot by feminist performers and viewed by feminist consumers everywhere everyday! Better yet, it's incredibly accessible.  

Transcending stigma

If it's "erotica" you and Gloria are seeking, as you say in the interview, look to pornographers like Erika Lust, whose beautiful crowd-sourced films have been featured here and in mainstream film festivals all across the globe. For scenes that look like real-life sex you'd have in your real life, there's Cindy Gallop's "Make Love Not Porn," which uses footage people take in their homes and allows for the sharing and empowerment between non-performers and professionals alike. But for "shared, mutual, pleasurable, empathetic sex," you need look no further than your Google Chrome browser. Joanna Angel, Jacky St. James, and kink.com will give you a wide variety to get you started. 

Image via Erika Lust 

Don't get me wrong, I understand where you're coming from. Before I began my career, I even wrote an essay with a similar tune in college. At the time, I was more educated (and passionate) about the nuances of sexuality than the average person, but I didn't know a whole lot about porn beyond the few tube sites I'd fired up every once in a blue moon. That was around the time I first saw Cindy Gallop herself speak live, and I thought to myself, "Hey, you're right! What is wrong with enjoying watching sex online? Why is it so demonized?") As my career—writing about sex and sexuality—began to flourish, I spent more and more time learning about the adult industry and subsequently watching porn, both for fun and for work.

I talk to porn stars every day, many of which I've befriended, and I work in an office where receiving and sending explicit videos is not only allowed, but necessary for productive business. I watch homemade porn, amateur porn, professional porn, BDSM porn, romantic porn, and public sex porn every single day. I watch videos of kinks I don't have but want to understand, videos of kinks I do, and I learn something new about myself and other people so frequently I sometimes can't imagine being where I was just a few years ago. After working as a willful and passionate constituent of the sex industry (and as someone who would certainly classify myself as a feminist), I know one thing to be true: Porn does not deserve its stigma. In fact, when used correctly, porn can be a massive aid to our varied sexualities.  

Let me be clear: Some pornography is sexist and misogynist, much like how some Hollywood films and Kanye West songs are. Some pornography depicts only male pleasure and promotes the non-consensual degradation of women. But most porn? It's filmed sex that is "shared, mutual, pleasurable, and empathetic," just as you and Gloria call for. Most of the videos you see that depict humiliation? Those are BDSM scenes involving two parties who are very turned on by that kind of power play. Some porn scenes are romantic. Some scenes are quick and dirty. Some women like facials, and some women (and men) enjoy feeling used as kink. There are femme domme scenes on the other side of the coin, along with cuckolding scenes and tender, passionate scenes that will give you honest-to-god goosebumps.  

Image via kink.com

The positive side of porn's proliferation

Are there performers that fit the blonde, size 2, double D boobs porn stereotype? Absolutely. But there are also performers with small boobs, ones that are size 12, women with black hair and red hair and freckles and stretch marks and gaps in their teeth. Unlike the stereotypical porn of the 1970s, there's now a genre of porn depicting every body type, persona, kink, and coupling you can possibly think of. Much of pornography depicts fantasy—sex that won't happen that way in your real life. But for every scene like that, there's another one made at home or by amateurs and professional pornographers who want to give people something they can mimic in their own sex lives. 

See, here's my beef with asking for a "feminist alternative" to pornography: We're downplaying how broad and complex sexuality can be, and how many kinks each and every one of us has. For example, to say that some women don't like being dominated is reflective of personal preferences, not overarching reality. Now that I think of it, being an ethical porn consumer is largely synonymous with being a feminist one. Feminist porn certainly should be sex that is consensual and enjoyed by the women involved, but would you stop watching movies altogether because someone out there once made a sexploitation horror film? No—you'd just choose better movies.

Image via Erika Lust

The nuances of sexual kink

Beyond the consent, we have no right to tell people what they should or should not watch and enjoy. I don't like being called "bitch" in bed, but in the moments when I'm tuned in to my submissive streak (and I'm certainly not always), I love being told what to do by a partner that cares about me. See what I mean? Once you dive into sexuality and begin sifting through it, it's easy to see that people are into things they'd never imagined they'd enjoy, but all of which they can explore with the right partners. And much like 50 Shades is a poor illustration of BDSM, it is not our place to decide what people couldn't possibly enjoy because we don't. It would be ignorant of human nature as a whole. 

On one point both Watson and Steinem make, I agree wholeheartedly: By stifling sex education in school, we are not offering young people the context they need to lead healthy, satisfying, safe sex lives—with or without the presence of porn. We're not giving people the tools they need to practice sex safely, to develop healthy sexual boundaries, and to enjoy what they choose to partake in without guilt and shame. But it's a huge stretch to blame their lack of sexual knowledge on the adult industry. 

Porn still has a long way to go in terms of inclusivity and diversity, and it's wonderful that we're in a place now where big names like Emma Watson and Gloria Steinem are saying, "Hey, women love sex too, and we have a right to be our own sexual agents." My only question is this: Why damn the porn industry, something the overwhelming majority of us partake in, and continue to perpetuate a largely untrue stigma when we could instead empower people of all ages to sift for the right stuff? Speaking out on issues is important, but the biggest way we can create change in the porn industry is by using our dollars—by purchasing what empowers us as females and promoting the continued production of it. 

The feminist alternative to the porn you're thinking of is out there, Ms. Watson. All you have to do is look.

Have suggestions, requests, or feedback? Send me an email at [email protected].