You Put What in Your Butt?

Rectum? Damn Near Couldn't Figure Out How It Got Stuck!

If you’ve ever had to take a trip to the ER (and who hasn’t?), have you ever wondered if someone else waiting had a foreign object stuck in their butts? Odds are, someone probably did, but you might be surprised what kind of object it was.

Whether it was on purpose, a stupid prank, or the “accident” the person told the doctor, people have placed some weird things in their behinds.

Nathan Yau of the usually high-minded Flowing Data has turned his attention to records held in the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System. Specifically, he’s taken a look at the 17,968 records of emergency room visits for foreign bodies stuck in a rectum between 2009 and 2014. A quick look at the data reveals some interesting trends, as he explains: About three-quarters of patients were male, and as you might expect, many of the foreign bodies were sex toys. But, perhaps unexpectedly, about 60 percent of those foreign bodies were not sex toys.

While I totally recommend heading over to Flowing Data to check out his findings, here are some of my favorites:

23YOM STUCK PIECE OF RADIATOR IN RECTUM

61YOM PUT END OF BATH BUSH IN RECTUM DX: F.B. IN RECTUM

36 Y/O M GOT DRUNK IN *** AND PUT A BALLOON IN BUTTFB RECTUM/ INTOX FB RECTUM/ INTOX

63YOM STS ACCIDENTALLY HAD WATER BOTTLE IN HIS RECTUM FOR 16HRS HE COULD NOT GET IT OUT DX: RECTAL FOREIGN BODY

31YOF GOT DRUNK YESTERDAY AND THINKS SOMEONE PUT SHOT GLASS IN HIS RECTUM DX: FB RECTUM

20 YOM GOT DRUNK AND PASSED OUT AT GIRLFRIENDS HOUSE, AWOKE WITH SPOONS AND DILDOS IN RECTUM. DX FB RECTUM

Part of me is laughing hysterically at this and the other part me has such a great sadness for humanity. So the next time you think about putting a foreign object up your butt, think twice before you do. Or have a back-up plan to get it out.