February 10, 2016 | Posted in straight by
OK, Alison Brie, now you’re doing it on purpose. You are completely and totally teasing us and it’s not fair. And don’t give me that line about how life isn’t fair—you are the one with an incredibly sexy body that you put into a dress that looks like it’s held together by an elastic band. You know that you are driving us crazy.
You can see it her face—Alison Brie knows that we are all either drooling on our shirts, running around screaming, or passed on out on the floor. She is teasing us to the point that I would be surprised to learn someone somewhere spontaneously combusted (though I guess if you know the reason why someone combusted, it’s not spontaneous, but I’m not a scientist—I don’t know these things). How are we supposed to take this dress? Oh, Alison Brie, why must you torture us with your incredible body? Why must you wear a dress like this? Can’t you go to a movie premiere in an old sweatshirt and some dirty jeans? To be fair to Alison Brie, she would probably still be incredibly sexy in an old sweatshirt and dirty jeans. I mean, she’s Alison Brie, after all.
I don’t know what to do with this. I really don’t. Alison Brie typically drives me crazy, but now I’m starting to feel like she’s doing it on purpose. She’s trying to get me to bend to her will and damn it, I’m totally fine with that. Just don’t tease us anymore Alison Brie, some of us have weak hearts!