Lo and Behold, There’s Now a Beauty Pageant for Your Balls!

For the first time in my life, I'm currently looking at a webpage banner that says, "Submit your scrotum photo here!" And after further inspection, it appears that it's not at all a joke. 

Officially called the Autoblow Balls Contest, the process is simple. Just upload a picture of your balls with a lil' piece of paper that says #autoblowballcontest (though I can't imagine where that hashtag is trending), vote on others balls you think are pretty, and watch the leaderboard to who's in the lead—and presumably why. Before people get their boxers in a bunch, don't fret: Much of the ranking is based on individual categories in hopes of getting a diverse mix of Winning Balls. 

If you're wondering who would put themselves out their on the interwebs like that, consider this: The picture is only of your balls, and you can use whatever nickname you want. I mean, if I had balls, I would enter. The first prize is $5,000, the second is $3,000, and the third is $2,000. That's some hefty cash for having aesthetically appealing testicles. Perhaps best of all, the winner will have his balls 3D scanned and turned into decorative objects—and can you really claim you're famous unless you genitalia has been turned into a book end? I think not. 

There's only one rule you need really to know: No. Penises. Allowed. Here's the video: 

This contest isn't just for cash money and scrotum doorstoppers, though. After Brian Sloan held the Vagina Contest, he wrote a research paper based on his findings and will do the same with the results from the Balls Contest. Finally, we'll have an answer for the age-old questions: Can balls be beautiful? And if so, what makes them that way? 

Stay tuned, folks. We're about to find out.