October 16, 2015 | Posted in Editorial Features by
By Coleen Singer at Sssh.com Porn For Women
Having returned to the world of dating again, I am now a regular on dating apps like Tinder (my favourite) and Happn. I would dare say I’m an expert at Tinder. Yeah, I’m smug and I know it! I’ve researched that app and written about it. I’ve made it such that my profile would get the most matches and I’ve met a bunch of really great guys, and some that are just ok. Each time fine tuning so I get some awesome matches.
Yes, I might be a tad bit obsessed.
But my point is that, I know how Tinder works. You can only login with a Facebook account. No email, no signing up through Google, or Twitter or anything else. If you have Facebook friends in common with a profile that comes up, then it will show you the people you have in common. Maybe it might mean you want to swipe right on the person more, or it might mean you never want to meet this person.
So it comes as a real surprise when a man would lie about not having Facebook on our first date, after having met on Tinder.
Not, “I don’t use it much,” or, “I have it, but prefer not to share it yet,” or, “I would rather us just connect through [enter other chatting app].”
No, just straight up, “I don’t have Facebook!”
When I ask about how he logged on to Tinder, his answer? “Email.”
That’s a damn lie. And a really silly one too. Especially when Tinder is showing us two Facebook friends we have in common.
This makes me wonder, why would anyone tell such a silly lie?
So yeah, of course I asked.
At least this time he fessed up with a mildly lame, but still an answer answer, “I didn’t want to share too much too soon,” or something to that effect.
Now, I’m not looking for a new man in my life, just something casual and fun. So while it doesn’t really matter to me personally if he has Facebook or not, the fact that he would lie to me bothers me. Even if it is for a casual romp. And on top of that lying about something so silly makes me wonder if he is ‘bright’.
If the sex is good, then I’m not averse to seeing a person casually for some fun sexy time on a regular basis. But what if the trust is broken even before the sex has occurred? Even casual relationships or flings require trust. Well, obviously the answer is to walk away. Here’s the twist, I find that I am super sexually attracted to him - this was before the lie. I was really looking forward to having sex with him and now his actions has brought pause to my carefree sexual romp.
Don’t get me wrong, I will probably still end up in bed with him - because why not right? But that doesn’t mean I don’t wonder what was going through his head when he fiercely protested about having and using Facebook. I will wonder if what he says to me is true. If his actions are real. And that will dim my appreciation of him. And that is quite unfortunate.
I’ve had men on Tinder who straight up told me what they were looking for - sex. Men who confessed that they are in a relationship and are just looking for a quick fling while they’re in a new city. For some all this might seem a bit much and too up front, but I prefer it. It means I can make a decision from an informed position. If I’m down for whatever he is offering, then great! If not, then I can move on. The point is, lies do not save you. They only make things worse.
Especially lies about really dumb things like not having Facebook.
Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film maker and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com and a film producer at BDSM site, Wasteland.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.