Only in Florida: I Once Got Busy in a Burger King Bathroom

In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.

I've been writing this column and Don't Take it Personally long enough to know that sometimes, I won't find a story so much as a story will find me. In my younger and more vulnerable years, I was known to do killer karaoke versions of both Clarence Carter's "Strokin" and Digital Underground's "Humpty Dance." Although it's been years since I've busted out either, a story about an indecent exposure in a Florida Burger King is the kind of thing that instantly brings the lyrics of that Digital Underground masterpiece immediately to mind. 

Meet Jefferson King, a man so comfortable sharing a surname with a burger joint that he literally treats the place like home. According to WPBF News (link below), Jefferson was excited by the prospect of jerking off in Burger King, he couldn't even make it to the bathroom.

A witness told police that she saw Jefferson King, 33, exposing himself in a seat near the restrooms inside the restaurant located at 1210 North Dixie Highway.

"I once got busy with myself near a Burger King bathroom" just doesn't have the same ring, does it? Get ready for my favorite part of the entire story...

When the woman made eye contact with King and asked him what he was doing he replied, "What? I'm playing with my penis!" the report said.

Jefferson King may be a lot of things, but dishonest is simply not one of them, nor will it ever be apparently.

The manager was informed of the incident and asked King to leave. The manager said that King refused and continued to "stroke his penis."

She then called West Palm Beach police.

King told the officers that he did nothing wrong and that he did not know what they were talking about, the report said.

King has as been charged with indecent exposure and was taken to the Palm Beach County jail.

Alright, so maybe he is dishonest. That's a little heartbreaking honestly. I just don't know what to believe anymore. 

Via WPBF News