Only in Florida: Mind the Gap

May 29, 2015
TUCKER-BANKSHOT

In my weekly column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.

I'll never forget when I was growing up and Mama Bankshot used to say to me, "Remember Tucker, if you go swimmin' down at the crick, make sure you don't swim by where them big iron grates what move up and down is." Apparently this Fort Lauderdale man's mom never had that crucial talk with him...

Yeah, that's right, this guy was swimming naked when the drawbridge was raised and he went right up with it, 100 feet into the sky. According to the Sun Sentinel (link below), he was also less than gracious about it...

"Initially when we got here he wasn't very cooperative, he didn't want anyone to come near him and he didn't want to be rescued," said Deputy Fire Rescue Chief Timothy Heiser. "He denied any drug use."

Leave it to the brave men of the Ft. Lauderdale Fire Department to try and help this dingus out and get him down without killing him...

After a derring-do ascent up the raised trestle, Fort Lauderdale firefighters David Bassion and Richard Olympio reached the man. Bassion shook his hand, gave him some water, and a white towel to cover himself.

"He didn't have much to say," Bassion recounted. "He just wanted to get down."

The man, who was not identified, was harnessed to the Florida East Coast Railway bridge, which was then slowly lowered. He was taken to Broward Health Medical Center for treatment of exposure and observation.

And just in case you were wondering, no, this is not the first time this has happened...

The incident is similar to one in October of 2013 when a 55-year-old woman taking part in a 5K walk got stuck on the same bridge. In that case, however, the woman was in the middle of the structure and Fort Lauderdale firefighters were able to use a long ladder to reach her.

Fucking Florida, man. God bless that state in all its glory.

Via Sun Sentinel