What Do Fetishes and the Song Pokerface Have in Common?

by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com Porn For Women

I gotta tell you something, when Pokerface came out, I loved it. I danced to it, I sang along to it and I most definitely did the whole “P..p..p..p..p..pokerface!” bit. What I didn’t do was admit I liked it. I mean, Lady Gaga was a pop star! And I couldn’t show that I liked a pop star. I was deep and musical taste varied but I still couldn’t admit to liking a pop star!

And so I scoffed at Katy Perry’s I kissed a girl and I liked it, and turned my nose up at anything from Beyoncé and I most definitely did not listen to Taylor Swift. But lo and behold, anytime a Beyoncé song came on it was so catchy I couldn’t help but groove to it. Seriously, have you listened to her new album? It’s quite literally Flawless!

I think you know what I might be getting at here with this glaringly obvious analogy. Yep, having a fetish is liking admitting you like pop music. I know we’ve come a long way with sex and sexuality but admitting that you might have a fetish is still not something one would do freely. Yes sure there are more and more people these days, especially with the popularity of the movie 50 Shades of Grey, that are getting comfortable with the idea of BDSM but the book was still pretty tame (and also sometimes inaccurate).

And sure it’s kinda ‘cool’ to say you like a bit of spanking or that you own a pair handcuffs but that’s like admitting to things that add to your ‘sexual adventurousness’. That’s kinda like admitting to liking Madonna now because she’s so musically matured (remember when she used to be the pop star of the 80s?). Or saying that you dig Beyoncé’s new album because she’s grown so much as a musician. It’s ok to admit to because we know that now these people are acceptable.

But try admitting that really what turns you on is when you get humiliated by a whip wielding dominatrix as she makes you lick her boots. Or that you wear a chastity belt as you sit outside a room while your wife gets fucked by two men inside because that really turns you on. Now that will bring on the chirping crickets. That’s like admitting you really think that Justin Bieber has depth or that Rebecca Black’s song Friday really hit a chord with you. Unless you’re a 12-year-old girl, that admission will most certainly bring on silence.

Now here’s when I tell you that “It’s ok to admit to your fetishes” and that “you’ll feel more free” and all that jazz. But here’s the thing, we’re not there yet. It would be nice if we lived in a world that accepted all our quirks and fetishes. And that sex between any two willing individuals be them woman on man, man on man, woman on woman or any other variation is openly accepted. But sadly, as far as we have come, we’re still not there yet.

So I think instead, we need to more books like 50 Shades of Grey (perhaps make them more accurate), more movies like The Secretary, and more documentaries like James Franco’s Kink. And in time these practices will be normalized. Perhaps not everyone will be a part of it, but at least we wouldn’t need to hide in shame. 

Perhaps with less shame there will be less frustration and less acting out in other violent ways to release all that frustration. I know many people think, or rather don’t think of sex in a way that it could be important to our daily lives in subtle ways (and not just as a release), that if not realised could affect everything else that we do. But it does. It affects us. 

Hopefully in the future we can admit to liking not only Justin Bieber but also fisting. Hallelujah! 

About Coleen Singer:

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen), where she often waxes eloquent about Female Friendly Porn, sex, pleasure products, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

Visit Coleen at Sssh.com for more kinky sex news, original movies and hot porn for women and couples!