November 28, 2014 | Posted in Editorial Features by
We all have fucked up families. It's a fact. If you happen to have an especially fucked up family, however, the kind of family who might gather around the Thanksgiving table and read erotica aloud while serving yams, then brother, have we got some books for you!
Here are some excerpts from books which can be found in the Thanksgiving Erotica section of Amazon.com, which is a real thing. Go ahead, click that link and find out, I promise, it's real.
From Turkey Basted on Thanksgiving: Book One: Stuffed by Denise B. Herton (the pen name of Fakey McMadeUpName)
"Just because I'm single now doesn't mean I have to jump on the next woman I see. Plus if I talked to that one, there wouldn't be enough food for me to eat during Thanksgiving dinner," I laughed back at him. My associate had always found women on the pleasingly plump side to have more sexual enthusiasm and willingness to experiment. To me, it seemed they only had an abundance of seasoning.
From Turkey Basted on Thanksgiving: Book Two: Left-Overs by Denise B. Herton
It is Thanksgiving Evening and an unbelievable turn of events has just taken place. Right after Mr. Feltman and myself found out we had werebear shifter powers, drastically increasing our libidos, we proceeded to engage in a massive Turkey Day orgy. Literally massive, in both terms of members participating as well as the size of the lovely ladies (ed. Ms. Herton seems to have it in for big ladies, amirite?) Everything was going great, a picture perfect mass-reverse gang bang pitting us 2 males against 10 females. These numbers hardly seemed fair... They would need a lot more girls to take us on.
From Thanksgiving: Taboo Forbidden Pregnancy by Lacey Sinn
To have him over for Thanksgiving was probably the best part of the whole holiday. Although everyone else was watching the game, Uncle Wayne and I were mostly occupied with catching up while we sat together on the sofa. I hadn't seen him since summer break and he was interested in how my first year at college was going and asking me tons of questions.
And the winner of greatest book title in history goes to Properly Shaved by the Billionaire Nightly News Anchor Through my TV... on Thanksgiving Day by TT Lawrence
Still, she was hungry, and needed to eat. Not just for herself, but also for her unborn baby. Unfortunately there was no food in the refrigerator or the cupboard, save a warm can of soda and a few miscellaneous packs of saltine crackers. As a last resort, she thought about ordering from her favorite Asian restaurant, (ed. I love Asian restaurants) but knew it was just too expensive to afford, and she was too pregnant to pull one of her usual tricks. She cracked open the warm can of soda with one of her red painted fingernails, and poured the thick syrupy drink down her throat, in an attempt to nourish herself and her child. She adjusted the waistband on her white panties, and ran her fingers under her underwear through her small patch of pubic hair. It was going to be a long night.