At Last, Virginia Is for Lovers: State Repeals Ban on Oral, Anal Sex

Perhaps when a state's name begins with the word "virgin" it should come as no surprise when antiquated buzzkill sex laws fester on its books.

Still, it's likely that many—in fact, probably most—residents of Virginia discovered they had been living not as mere lawbreakers but actual groin gobbling, fudge-packing felons this past Thursday when legal restrictions against oral and anal sex were officially taken off the books.

Image: No Rest for the Ass

The ban, instituted in 1950, outlaws blowjobs, cunnilingus, ass-eating, and butt-fucking by equating any and all such acts with bestiality and incest. Check out the scarily ancient-sounding language:

A. If any person carnally knows in any manner any brute animal, or carnally knows any male or female person by the anus or by or with the mouth, or voluntarily submits to such carnal knowledge, he or she shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony, except as provided in subsection B.

B. Any person who performs or causes to be performed cunnilingus, fellatio, anilingus or anal intercourse upon or by his daughter or granddaughter, son or grandson, brother or sister, or father or mother is guilty of a Class 5 felony. However, if a parent or grandparent commits any such act with his child or grandchild and such child or grandchild is at least 13 but less than 18 years of age at the time of the offense, such parent or grandparent is guilty of a Class 3 felony.

C. For the purposes of this section, parent includes step-parent, grandparent includes step-grandparent, child includes step-child and grandchild includes step-grandchild.

Well, all that's just so much saliva and lube under the 14th Street bridge now, as Virginia's House of Delegates passed a bill on March 6th that eliminates all such government enforced blockages.

So open all holes for all comers and properly celebrate by proving that, now and forever, Virginia is for lawful lovers of sucking cock, eating pussy, rimming, ass play, and bung-banging galore.