Life Moving Too Fast? You Need Slow Loading Porn

Remember the good ol' days when you could click on a link, get up, make yourself a sandwich, take care of some chores, and then return to your computer to find the pictures almost completely loaded? Yes, the pace of life was slow, but it was sweet, and every piece of fap material was a rich investment of time and prayer that your dial-up didn't crap out on you.

Those days may be gone, but thanks to a little website called Slow Loading Porn, you can recapture the fledgling days of internet smut whenever you want! Sure, there aren't that many pictures offered on the website, but since it takes forever for each image to load, you should be entertained for dozens of agonizing minutes! Isn't it funny that delayed gratification is considered retro and quaint?

And if your supervisor starts peering over your shoulder, Slow Loading Porn comes equipped with a Boss Mode button that'll turn your screen into an Excel file from Windows 95. They've thought of everything! So what do you say you give up your lunch break and wait for some topless babes to load? Four out of five religious authorities agree: sex is worth waiting for (the AOL modem sounds to finish).

· Slow Loading Porn (slowloadingporn.com)