Netflix Picks: Because You Can't Fap To Books

It's definitely possible to get off while reading. All we're saying is that it's difficult, especially if there's a two-handed method you're fond of using on yourself. Why not save yourself the paper cuts and kick back on the couch? We've got the culture you need.

2MorvernCallar1. Morvern Callar: First up, a British movie based on a novel by the same name. "Morvern Callar" (Samantha Morton) is the woman, our main character, who wakes up on Christmas morning in Scotland and finds that her boyfriend has committed suicide. She then takes his unpublished manuscript, erases his name, adds her own, and send it off to publishers without reading it. After gingerly integrating herself back into society, Morvern draws the last bit of money from her boyfriend's bank and takes her best friend, Lanna (Kathleen McDermott), on a Spanish getaway. There they meet a group of British expatriates, fall in with them, and find their friendship wearing thin. No, it's not an uplifting movie, but it's fascinating, and the book received some grand acclaims from critics. Plus, both Morvern and Hanna get naked: look for them at 9:00, 23:00, 36:00, 54:00, 1:01:00, and 1:04:00.

2RoyalDeceit2. Royal Deceit: In some sense, this is based on Shakespeare's "Hamlet," but more accurately, this is based on the Danish source material that inspired "Hamlet," the legend of Amleth written by Saxo Grammaticus in the 12th century. Imagine how smart you'll look when you rep Saxo Grammaticus at your friends the next time someone makes a Hamlet joke (which is obviously all the time for you and your nerdy lit pals)! Anyway, you know the drill: ruler is killed by his brother, brother marries widow, ruler's son vows revenge, must find the strength within himself to lead his people, struggles with it, handles his business. The ending is a lot different than Shakespeare's, and we're not going to spoil that for you, but let it be known that Helen Mirren is totes naked in this movie! Yes! Get your fill of flesh at 13:00, 25:00, and 27:00.

[At top: a brief bathtime scene from "Royal Deceit" (movies.netflix.com)]

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