Has it been another year already? It's been such a beautiful and endorphin-filled blur of sex toy testing! Some experiences have been more rewarding than others, and some tests have made us fear for our safety and sanity, but it was all worth it. Finally, after much sweat and lube has been expended, we have a list of the ten best sex toys on the market in 2012.
10. Easy Beat Egg Lovers by Tenga: What's not to love about a toy that's so easy to use that you forget it's there? The heart-shaped nubs on the inside of this egg practically become part of your hand as your familiar cock grip lovingly smears them against your shaft. Plus, this egg won't affect your cholesterol!
9. Champagne Intensity by Heart and Attitude: It's not lube; it's more of an herbal ointment that you anoint your genitals with before masturbating. Our editrix loved this product, saying, "after I applied a dab of it to my clitoris, I seriously couldn't stop jacking it." That sounds like exactly what you want your freaky plant tinctures to do. Be warned: as lovely as Champagne Intensity is, we urge you to stay far away from Heart & Attitude's male equivalent, Extra Bold, because it will burn your dick. Seriously.
8. Naughty & Nice Leather Slapper by Good Vibrations: One side is faux fur, the other is unforgiving leather, and with a steady grip and a loose wrist, you'll be capable of meting out any severity of punishment you please. Our reviewer notes that this slapper "might be great for a first foray into 'enhanced spanking.'"
7. Zero by ONE Condoms: Yes, condoms count as sex toys; they're important in the bedroom and they can enhance your sexual experience when used properly. These delightful prophylactics are 25% thinner than the average rubber, and even though they transmit heat and sensation extremely well, they keep your genitals snug and secure. Plus, circular foil packages mean no more bedside fumbling!
6. Tor II by Lelo: We feel lucky that we live in a world where the words "elegant cock ring" aren't met with snickers and guffaws but with actual products that encapsulate the phrase. Such is the Tor II, a nifty little ball-hugger that has six different vibration modes and delivers them right where they're needed most: the clit. The simple toys are often the best, and Lelo knows how to do simplicity with style.
5. Evi by Aneros: The Evi is best summarized as a butt plug for your vagina. It's a G-spot massager/exerciser that can deliver hands-free orgasms depending on how you manipulate your pelvic muscles, and while it won't give you one of those mind-erasing explosions, it's definitely a winner. Try keeping it inside you all day for endless background pleasure!
4. The Pocket Toyfriend by Tickler: Everybody needs a bullet vibrator, and this one is easily our favorite. It's about the size of a lipstick tube, it's powerful, it'll hug your clit ever so sweetly, and it's only $22 (not including the price of the single AAA battery needed to power it). Our reviewer notes, "I almost want to make it a friendship bracelet or something."
3. Vanity Vr4.5 by JOpen: Again, let's see what the reviewer had to say about this: "As a person who has had some problems with promises from G-spot-seeking vibes, the first thing I have to say about the Vr4.5 is that it had such power behind its vibrations that my whole vagina felt like a G-spot. That was a sensation I hadn't bargained for, but was very pleased to encounter." It's designed by ladies, it has two motors, and it's named after a delicious sin. This is one of those vibrators that you buy and then no one ever hears from you again.
2. Fantastic System by HEPS: We don't care how silly the lips look poking out of this thing, it's the closest thing to a blowjob you can get from an inanimate object. And did we mention how easy to clean it is and how pleasantly sleek it is? And did you ever look at the HEPS website? Oh dang, it's so crazy, but more importantly, it's where you can buy yourself a robot blowjob and that ain't nothing to scoff at.
1. Form 6 by JimmyJane: Oh, JimmyJane, how you slay us. The Form 6 might seem like a boring toy--especially when compared with the exciting and innovating designs of the Form 2 and Form 3--but that all changes once you test it. All of JimmyJane's creativity can be found in the sleek curves of this dual-end toy as well as the badass engine inside it. You can't go wrong with this thing.