We Are All Made Of Stardust And Jizz: “Jerkoff Material 9”

It's a comforting thought, isn't it? We're all made of the same smashed-together and cooked down components of the universe that everything else is. You may be thousands of mile away from the adorable and depraved Marica Hase, but the eyelashes on your face share ancient lineage with all three sperm loads dripping down her cheek, and thus, you are truly one.

We hope this thought lessens the pain of watching Marica get nailed by three dudes who are not you. Really, they are you, and you are Marica, and might we add that you did an awesome job at giving yourself a blowbang. We don't know how you managed it, but wow, you're a champ!

And so is Ashli Orion! Her nastiness is the stuff of legend, and we're happy to see that the legends are true as she takes on two dicks at once and even gets creampied by them. Even though Ashli has her hands full, she manages to put out an air of calm control and sleepy-eyed mischief that lets us know that she's in control. How can someone be in control when they're being spitroasted betwixt two hard, veiny wangs? It's no challenge for Ashli. She's the conduit that connects the cocks, and everybody in the room knows that she runs biz. She says "come," they say "how many milliliters?"

Veruca James is quickly becoming one of our favorite dames, and her performance in this film is definitely helping that process. Like Marica, she too takes on three cocks at once, but she also lets them plunder the secrets of her sweet asshole. It's not your everyday casual fuckfest, but Veruca makes it seem like it is with her bubbly attitude and sweet smile. We love the picture of her kneeling before her menfolk with a dick on her head, another in her hand, and a third (especially bulbous) one in her mouth; she looks like a barista who's been caught gorging on biscotti before the cafe opened.

"Jerkoff Material 9" ain't no joke. If you watch this and don't feel compelled to jam your hands in your pants, you might not have hands. You should get that checked.

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy "Jerkoff Material 9" (store.fleshbot.com)