We’re not trying to get all Oedipal with you guys, but honestly, older women pretty much rule everything on Earth. Women in general run this place, and as they grow in experience, they become more efficient bosses. As far as us horny bloggers are concerned, seasoned sweethearts are overflowing with a refined (emphasis on fine) beauty and sexuality that we’d like to focus on in today’s double feature.
1. The Gymnast: Jane Hawkins (Dreya Weber) was a talented gymnast headed for the Olympics until a serious injury ended her career and derailed her destiny; she then fell into a lackluster job as a massage therapist and became trapped in a loveless marriage. A chance meeting leads Jane down a new path and lands her a part in a Cirque du Soleil-style aerial silks performance with a mysterious young dancer named Serena (Addie Yungmee). The two women feel drawn to each other, but they must first overcome their obstacles and limitations: Jane struggles with her childlessness and Addie refuses to acknowledge her sexuality to herself, let alone her family and friends. As they train for their Las Vegas show, they grow closer and closer until they can no longer deny the feelings inside them. This isn’t exactly a super racy softcore film, but what it lacks in straightforward nudity it more than makes up for with sexual/romantic tension. Plus, let’s not forget that aerial silks are arousing on their own (why do you think Belladonna is so down with them?). If you’re looking for the naked parts, they may be found at 04:00, 53:00, and 1:03:00.
2. MILF: On the other end of the maturity spectrum, there’s “MILF,” the story of a group of nerdy college dudes who pursue older women because they can’t get any action from their peers. Their efforts work for the most part–as evidenced by the young man getting ridden hard in the hot tub in the clip above–but hit a major snag when one of the boys starts hooking up with his best friend’s mom. In “American Pie,” the sexualization of Stifler’s mom was met with laughs from all involved, but it’s no laughing matter in this film: one boy’s cougar craving threatens to tear his friendships apart! It’d be one thing if the boys were the only ones lusting, but the MILFs know that those young men are ripe for the boinking, and they crave some fresh young meat. Moms make up half of the cast, so you can be sure that “MILF” lives up to its name. Look for May-September sexiness at 4:30, 18:00, 25:00, 31:00, 42:00, 50:15, 51:00, 1:03:30, 1:06:30, and 1:18:30.
[At top: the physics teacher's wife is a total "MILF" (movies.netflix.com)]