Hello and welcome to the first installment of Ask Camille. I’m the performer and webmaster of The Art of Blowjob and Slow Motion Blowjob, I have my own blog and I’ve even been guest editor here at Fleshbot. When I’m not making or talking about beautiful porn, I end up being asked a lot of questions. I guess when you’re an open person, that tends to happen. I’ve been lucky enough to get the opportunity to bring my advice on different sexual and relationship topics every week here on Fleshbot. Without further ado, here’s the first question:
My wife has TMJ. I’d like to think if it wasn’t for that, BJs would happen in my house. Any workarounds for such a situation?
I got to do a little research for this, poking around various medical corners of the web to learn exactly what TMJ is and possible treatment methods. It’s my first advice column and already I’m learning things too! This is the part where I have to remind you that I’m not a doctor or a licensed therapist, so you have to keep that in mind when taking this advice. (That said, I’m not going to be giving you any weird home remedies or trying to break you down psychologically, so hopefully that’s a moot point.)
TMJ, or Temporomandibular Joint Disorder (TMD), refers to pain in the joint which connects the jaw to the rest of the skull. You can see how having ongoing pain here would make blowjobs pretty difficult… You say that your wife has TMJ, so I assume that she has seen a doctor. If she hasn’t that’s your first step, as it should be for anyone who thinks they have a medical issue.
There are a number of causes of TMJ, which can basically be broken down into: stress on the jaw through clenching/grinding teeth, dental or jaw misalignment, injury, a degenerative disorder or repeated strain. (That last reason gave me pause… I hope I’m not going to get TMJ!) It is really important that she work with her healthcare providers to identify the cause so she can get the kind of treatment she needs. She may need x-rays, a dental check-up and an assessment of her risk factors, but all this should end up with a solid starting-off point.
Once this has been sorted out, there’s dental work that can be done, she can be given a nighttime mouthguard, she can be given tactics to reduce stress/break any tooth grinding habits or even just painkillers to better manage the damage that has already been done. There is a surgical option, but there are a lot of options to try before getting to that point, of course.
And now I’ll take off my advice-giving stethoscope and tackle the sexier side of the question.
It obviously depends on the severity of her TMJ, but there are definitely things that she can do on the blowjob spectrum. With ongoing treatment, she can increase jaw mobility and reduce pain, so she can try to go further as she sees an improvement. Will she be deep throating you non-stop? Maybe not, but that’s not the be all and end all of a blowjob anyways, and it’s important to keep that in mind.
She can start by just holding your cock and licking the tip. She can do so as gently or as vigorously as feels comfortable, flicking or circling as she finds her footing. Then, she can play with stroking you while doing this. Another really sensual thing is to lick along the underside of the shaft from the balls to the tip. Licking and kissing your balls and cock will feel amazing.
Once she’s feeling a bit more comfortable, she can experiment with just taking the head in her mouth. She can try sucking lightly, seeing how that feels for her, or moving her tongue around the inside of her mouth. Even if that’s too painful, she can try physically moving her body by gently swaying so that the angle of her head changes to create different sensations.
From there, she can try sliding her lips down your shaft more if it feels okay, but definitely don’t pressure her and certainly don’t try to take control of the situation by thrusting. Depending on how bad her TMJ is, this may be her limit and you need to respect that.
Another important thing is to adjust your expectations. You may not get a blowjob to orgasm, but if she gives you a blowjob as part of foreplay or sucks you for a while before giving you a handjob or vice versa, it shows an effort to make accommodations on both or your behalves.
Lastly, your wording struck me as interesting. You’d like to think that blowjobs would happen if it weren’t for the TMJ issues. You need to have a discussion in general about sexuality, both of your likes and dislikes and both of your wants and needs. As part of that discussion, find an honest and understanding way to bring up that you know she has TMJ, but you’d like to maybe try some of these options. See what she says and be prepared to be a giving lover to her in return. By getting on the same page sexually, you’ll be more able to tackle this issue together and your relationship will be all the better for it.