Like, for real, we are scared of these sex toys. If we were walking around in broad daylight, and one of these toys started walking in our direction, we’d cross the street. Fortunately, there are many women who are able, willing, and often in the mood to handle these missile-sized members, and we feel better knowing that the dildos are securely tucked away in their pussies.
We call these women brave, but they think of themselves as horny–really, really, insanely horny–and they sit upon this shlongs not because of a sense of duty, but because of a need to be filled with well-lubricated plastic penis. Ah, there’s a thin line between heroism and arousal. Think about that.
Katie St. Ives tries to stick a snake-sized dildo in her ass, but you can tell from her expression that she’s not really trying. She’ll massage her sphincter with the tip, but this scene is too casual to contain any sweat-inducing ass stretches. Katie giggles as she teases herself with the toy, and suddenly adopts a serious mug as she gets a few inches of dildo inside her. When it’s halfway in, she starts grtting her teeth like Angelina Jolie in “Wanted,” and once she’s reached her limit, one of her eyes closes halfway. One of our favorite things about Katie is that she shows you how she feels with her whole body and every piece of her face; “full” is the primary feeling here.
Cindy Starfall (what a lovely name) tries to spitroast herself with two veiny baguettes, but soon realizes that her jaw is way less elastic than her pussy, and she instead dangles the second dick slightly out of reach of her mouth. On the one hand, it looks like she’s eating grapes off the vine; on the other hand, it looks like a droopy penis is swinging above her mouth in a twisted parody of “The Pit and the Pendulum.” Still, Cindy fits an impressive amount of dildo in her twat. If that thing really were a baguette, her roommates would be upset because she fucked most of it and didn’t leave enough to make a decent sandwich.
Some girls try to smile through these scenes, but Ashli Ames straight-up wails her way through the wang. As she cowgirls herself upon one giant dildo and brings the other to her lips, she looks like she’s singing her heart out at all-Adele karaoke night. This cutie is a crooner! She even gets a little lip curl going on from time to time, such as when her toy is twisted toward her G-spot. We wish we could hear the song that Ashli sings when she squirts against the thick, unyielding silicone. We would make that our ringtone.
Please buy “I Love Big Toys 35.” If you won’t do it to satisfy your craving for vaginas filled to the max, then do it so New Sensations will make “I Love Big Toys 36″ and keep these cudgel-sized toys off the street.