People say print is dying, but we are here to happily announce that Kate Upton’s breasts are taking over everything, and so the future will still contain hundreds upon thousands of different magazines. However, every magazine will be for, about, and by Kate Upton’s breasts.
Spanish Vogue and Contributor Magazine have already fallen to the Kate Machine (we’re working a scary phrase that summarizes Kate’s growing popularity), and we expect more will soon follow. Oh sure, act like it’s fine now, you won’t be surprised when GQ runs nothing but Kate Upton pictures for every issue. Someday you’ll want to find a terrible sex tip, but all of your Cosmos and your Seventeens will be filled with Kate, and then the Wall Street Journal will run charts about Kate’s relative hotness over time (it only climbs!), and even lame numismatic magazines will have pictures of Ms. Upton’s bare breasts with antique silver dollars hiding her nipples.
Really though, silver dollars used to be massive.