There is such a comfortable sameness about each scene in “Teen Japan 9″ that we were inspired to take a tiny wooden rake and drag it through our tiny patch of sand to compose a haiku about it.
Squeeze boobs from behind
Apply Hitachi through pants
Teens dig the creampie
(By the way: the Japanese word for “creampie” is “Nakadashi.”)
Each scene in “Teen Japan 9″ begins with an interview on what appears to be a hospital bed (but isn’t a hospital bed, I’m hoping) that is no more or less awkward than any Porn Valley-shot POV scene.
“Do you have boyfriend?”
“Do you like sex?”
“Do you like masturbate?”
After this interview, our humble narrator climbs, seemingly headless, onto the bed, squeezing the breasts of five separate women from behind. Then he makes a Hitachi Magic Wand to appear from the left side of the frame, connecting with each woman’s be-pantied vulv. That’s the kinkiest part. Then the panties come off. Then the woman blows our hero, and then they make sweet Japanese love, followed by a creampie because Hey: He’s Paying for It.
You may be tempted to say that this sounds uninspired, that we learn nothing about Japan, that these are not porn “stars.” But in its own way, “Teen Japan 9″ has its own quirky personality, and succeeds in those basic ways much more ambitious porn does not, just because it follows all the rules.
We provide this haiku free of charge as instructions for your next romantic conquest.
Third World Media has another title called “Japan Teen Creampie 9″ featuring a different cast. Other than that, I have no idea what the difference is.