The Smart Wand is damn pretty. I actually believe that this matters with sex toys. We like pretty people to give us orgasms – why should sex toys be any different? On the handle end, the Smart Wand manages to rock the space-luxury look that Lelo trades in. The business end has the obscene charm of a novelty dildo. Aesthetically, it’s a winning combo.
You gotta love AC plug-in charge power on a vibrator for two main reasons. One: no running to the bodega for batteries in a cum-craze because you just know those things run out when you really need em. Two: doesn’t your pretty silver and purple Smart Wand look just right charging next to your Smart Phone? This is modern living.
Now as for functionality: Lelo has this cute infinity symbol thing going on, with plus button for stronger, minus for weaker, and middle symbol to set the rhythm, as it were. The rhythms remind me of the massage chairs that the best mani-pedi places have – you know, pulse, wave, loooonnger wave. I always think that these clever paces are going to teach my body a new masturbation narrative, one that involves dips and falls and tease and denial. But unlike massage chairs, which I could sit in for hours until my back is a pulverized lump, I get bored really really fast by the novelty of these schmancy vibe settings. After a while I just want to crank it up to the highest mode and drone myself into orgasm. When it comes to vibrators and my pussy, I just don’t go in for bells and whistles. Though I dove between the sheets with hope that this one would be different, it was not to be.
On the insertability tip (ahem): the business end of this toy resembles the head of a cock more than most fancy vibes, and a rather large one at that. I can barely fit my thumb and pointer finger around it. I don’t know about you, but when something is shaped like a dick, I try to fit it in my holes. That’s just good common sense. Now, I may be a size queen, but I like to be filled gradually. Despite the soft-to-the-touch silicon, this cock is also very hard. Again, big and hard is good inside the body, but the shape of this head is rather, well, blunt. Still, different strokes for different folks I always say, and just because I’m a lady of simple pleasures doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with this subtle luxury toy.
One last thing: the packaging of this product uses the “massage” double-speak (including pictures of a model in a towel rubbing her neck and IT band) of sex toys that can’t admit they’re sex toys. Yet the Lelo website, while certainly classy as fuck, makes no bones about their products being for genitals. I understand this is probably for distribution reasons but it’s still pretty amusing.
In conclusion, I feel the way about the Smart Wand that I do about every other vibe short of the fail-safe Hitachi – it’s not my cup of tea, but I don’t see any reason why it shouldn’t be yours!
· Buy the Smart Wand by Lelo on Babeland (Babeland.com)
· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen
