I was astonished at all of the wonderfully thoughtful questions that you came up with, so I just had to answer all of them. They range from short and sweet questions about my day-to-day to more evolved questions about relationship dynamics, so hopefully my responses will shed a little light on this lovely Friday!
Questions About Sex
What do you think of during a blowjob? Does your mind wander (like mine)?
I think it’s different for everyone. I really get embroiled in what I’m doing, so I just focus on the different sensations, the way he’s reacting or what I can do next to make him feel amazing. I know this is the expected answer, but what can I say? It’s the truth. That said, as long as you’re passionate and in the moment when it counts, your mind can wander.
Where did you learn to give such awesome blowjobs? Or are you totally self-taught?
- Justin G
I’m self-taught, but I certainly rely a lot on feedback from my boyfriend. Being really creative and excited to explore has made me find a lot of different sensations, and then I try to chain them together in different sequences, different speeds, different dynamics and see what works.
So I am 31 and very experienced sexually. My girlfriend is 25 and not experienced at all. I have been her first everything, except she hasn’t performed oral sex or had intercourse. She has an OCD thing about things going in her mouth, and when we’ve tried intercourse she says it hurts too much. We’ve been together for a little over two years and every other aspect of our relationship is great, I just wish I could get her to open up sexually. Any ideas?
It’s hard to know whether she has clinical OCD or is just uncomfortable. If she has clinical OCD, she should probably talk to her therapist and see what can be done. If she’s just nervous about it, try to help her relax by doing things that make her feel good and are within her comfort zone. Maybe watch some soft, sensual oral sex videos (ahem!) to show her that it can be sweet and gentle and respectful. When the time comes, make sure to be fresh and clean so that any germ-related issues can mostly be at bay. As for the intercourse issues, take time. Use your fingers or a toy on her clitoris, use lubricant, start with just a finger or a small toy. You can take lots of time to build up to putting your penis inside her, and be slow when you start. In general, just look at this as a chance for sensual exploration of potential pleasure together, not as a mission, and you’ll be much more happy with the end result.
I believe that sexuality is a vast spectrum with as many unique sexual identities as people currently living, but most people are compressed into the half dozen socially accepted sexual identities (and that’s if you live in a progressive area!). That said, many of my friends are fairly sexually adventurous, polyamorous, bisexual, homosexual or generally more sexual than I am. Sometimes I feel boring because I’m in a monogamous heterosexual relationship and that maybe I’m subconsciously repressed or should get myself out of my comfort zone for the sake of personal development. But then I think I’m quite content most of the time and I’m making myself discontent by overanalyzing and obsessing. Now from your website, it appears that you are happy and as far as I can tell from your site, monogamous. Do you have any fantasies or sexual desires that you have not acted on? If so, what keeps you from making them realities?
Don’t use other people as a yardstick for your life. If you’re where you are, enjoy it. That’s what sexual freedom is actually about. If you want to try new things, whether it’s out of curiousity or potential genuine desire, by all means, give it a go. But you’re not boring for knowing what you want. For us, we’re relatively calm. We’ve had some experiences with other women because that’s something important to me and something he definitely enjoyed, but by and large, we stick with what we love, which is very sensual sex between the two of us. Oh, and making porn.
I like to use nylon stockings on my cock when I masturbate. How can I have a great orgasm when I do that and come as much as I can?
I’d say, buy the silkiest nylon money can buy and just explore the different parts of your body and the different kinds of sensations you can create with it. Just as with a blowjob, be creative and you’ll find that you discover new ways to enjoy yourself.
I was curious how you felt about penis size, and if you feel it’s important. And if so, in what way? Thank you very much for the opportunity to participate and engage you in conversation, a gift!
I am a firm believer that you’re born with it, you can’t change it, so why should it be a big deal to me? (I have similar beliefs about circumcision, for the record.) Obviously, people have different preferences and some people care more than others. It’s the same with any other aspect of physical attraction and matches. That said, I think that men place unfair expectations on themselves, specifically because of porn, and we’re doing our part to show a more average penis as being awesome and sexy and valid in porn. I wish more people would do that.
How do you fight the boredom of long-term monogamy?
Conversation is really important. As you get further into life, you will find out more things about yourself that you want, whether they’re sexual, romantic, goal-oriented… Don’t keep it to yourself. Find respectful ways to let your partner in on what you have come to be curious about and try to foster an environment where you encourage each other to take steps to explore these new thoughts, feelings and desires. Taking time to connect like this is really important.
Questions About Porn
Would you perform with an actor other than your husband?
I don’t think so, honestly. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, and if it was something we’d both be comfortable with, we’d definitely give it a go. That said, I really don’t see any need to do that and we’re incredible happy the way things are.
How do you feel about people that say that pornography can’t be feminist, no matter who is making it, what the performers think, or what the audience is? Whenever I read that argument, it feels like it says that no matter what, it’s being made for men and objectifying women.
I think that’s just silly. There are tons of theories, and many fascinating papers about the issue, I’m sure, but when it comes down to it, it isn’t very feminist to tell women what they are or aren’t/can and can’t enjoy. Feminism is about choice, and there are many women who make the choice to participate in the creation and consumption of porn. Many of us look for companies which espouse our beliefs and try to create or support work that is actively feminist, but even those who don’t are still exercising free will. Dissenters might say that no woman can have free will in the adult industry, or even in the sexualized culture we live in, but I think that’s getting too far away from the reality of the situation.
What kind of equipment do you use and what do you use to edit?
We don’t exactly give away our specifics, because everyone needs a secret, but we use several DSLRs with great lenses to achieve our look, set up and used with various different rigs, tripods and dollies, as well as hand-held. We edit on a few different softwares, most often Final Cut Pro. It’s very involved, but it yields great results.
If you could work with any one Porn Valley/California porn director/producer for a scene (as in them behind the camera and you in front of it, not necessarily you having sex with them), who would it be?
That’s really tough to answer. I think there are a lot of interesting directors and companies out there doing great things. I would never actually do this, because performing for other people isn’t really my thing… But if I had to choose, maybe someone like Andrew Blake or the people from X-Art. Nica Noelle approached me once and I was certainly flattered.
I’m curious about your porn-viewing experience before you entered the porn world professionally. Contrary to some of the cliches on the subject, quite a few viewers of online porn are female, but it still seems very much taboo for women to discuss what they like to watch, even with each other. Did you watch lot of porn before joining the industry, or were you inspired to enter in large part by dissatisfaction with what you saw, or were you somewhere in-between?
I didn’t watch a ton of porn because there wasn’t really much that appealed to me, since this is going back a fair while now. I would tend more towards amateur content because the spirit was there, even if the aesthetics weren’t. We really decided to make porn because we wanted to show something different which was something that we wanted to see. I don’t think that it’s necessarily an issue because I’m a woman, but just because my sensibilities weren’t being catered to in porn, which I think is the case with a lot of people who tend to gravitate towards more beautiful porn.
[This post is a part of Fleshbot's Camille Crimson Week.]