I’m not outrightly saying that blowjobs are my sole raison d’être… That seems kind of wrong to me. I have so many passions. I love to make music, to create art, to explore French cooking, to let loose and game a bit.. But, when it comes to something that I can share with you all on Fleshbot, nothing beats a little blowjob how-to. Now, this isn’t to say that I’m going to give you every little tip and trick under the sun, because I don’t fundamentally believe that blowjobs (or any sex act) are one size fits all. There is so much nuance and room for exploration when it comes to a truly sensual blowjob, so I just want to foster that kind of curiousity and creativity. Sounds ambitious? You bet.
Through several years of being asked this question, I’ve found a pretty good way of summing up what is necessary to lay the foundation for a really great blowjob: communication, creativity and passion. Sure, there are things you can do with your tongue and ways to put any sword-swallower to shame, but that’s really not a fundamental issue at play. Those are party tricks, and very fun party tricks, but without the motivation and spirit for the task at hand, it’s all going to feel very phoned-in.
Communication! I realize that it may sound cheesy, but communication is incredibly important in sex. A lot of people assume that chemistry is either there or it isn’t and either your partner can read your mind or they aren’t really right for you. Of course, chemistry plays a role in great sex, but communicating will invariably help you get more of what you want out of sex and make your partner better equipped to give you the kind of pleasure you value. This can take several forms. I am a firm believer in creating whatever a sexy ambiance is for you (whether that’s candles and wine or getting naked and getting close in bed. It’s a good way to set the tone for a little conversation.
Talking about what you want is hard, especially when you’re afraid of surprising or pressuring the other person, but being direct and honest in a way that respects their potential reactions is best. Make sure to have a two-way discussion, both in terms of getting a chance to share what you want and to react to each other’s desires. Don’t react in haste, but keep an open mind. Depending on experience, preferences and any positive or negative past encounters, you may not be 100% on the same page, but if everyone is open to trying things a few times, or at least thinking about things to start, compromises can be made without feeling like anyone is being coerced, and that’s sexy!
There’s also a more direct application for communication, which is about picking up cues while actually giving the blowjob. These cues can be verbal, asking you to focus on a particular spot, to try to speed up or slow down or to intensify or relax a particular sensation… Being fairly quick to react and (at least attempt) to adapt will really shape the blowjob experience. The other side would be physical cues, which come with increased moaning when you trip over something that feels really good, maybe a little involuntary hip thrusting to get things going faster or even some more basic signals involving increases or decreases in erection. It may sound like a lot, but trying to keep your eyes and ears open will help you to learn their patterns of arousal and be able to better anticipate their desires.
Creativity refers to the motivation to go beyond bobbing up and down rhythmically. It’s time to look at all the different parts of your mouth and think about what they can do. Your tongue can point, flick, curve, curl, lay perfectly flat, swirl… Your lips can suck, kiss, part, get wet and slide along anywhere… Your cheeks, your throat, the roof of your mouth… They’re all at your disposal, along with your hands, your breasts, the side of your face… And what can they play with? There are so many sensitive parts of the penis: the tip, the head, the frenulum, the shaft, the base… There are the balls, his thighs, his treasure trail, the perineum, even the anus and surrounding area if he’s into that. (Ask first!) There are so many speeds, levels of sensations, styles, emotions, concepts, fantasies… No two blowjobs ever need to be the same, so combining this creativity with communication and observation will lead to finding so many ways to please.
I think the most important aspect of blowjobs, of sex in general and really of life is passion. In this case, I’m talking about the passion of giving pleasure. It’s exciting to really connect with someone and experience the thrill of building up intensity to an incredible orgasmic conclusion. So many times, people emphasize the job in blowjob and get bogged down in monotony. If you can’t get to a place where giving alone is enough to ignite the passion, touch yourself, get your partner to touch you, use a toy or ask your partner to say something hot. There is nothing wrong with that, and in fact it’s very sexy for both of you. Think of how amazingly attractive it is to feel skilled and to feel the power of being able to give such pleasure. Think of how good it feels to receive this kind of pleasure. Whatever it is that gets you going, find it and harness it, because that kind of voracious passion is the ultimate aphrodisiac for everyone involved.
This advice certainly isn’t limited to blowjobs, and nor should it be. Sex is (at least) a two way street and finding ways to please each other exceeds the reach of what can be explored in any how-to piece, no matter how complex and detailed. This is the root, though, of finding all the potential for pleasure, and I hope you go out and find it for yourself.
[This post is a part of Fleshbot’s Camille Crimson Week.
