Fucking At First Sight: A Guide To Sex On The First Date

Sex on the first date: it's the subject of much discussion, handwringing, and, of course, comedy t-shirts. Being the knowledgable, nonjudgmental libertines that we are, we think that sex on the first date is a perfectly fine thing--but we also think that, as with any sex act, you need to know what you're getting into before you go ahead with it. So, sexy soldiers, let's carry onward and examine the topic!

Is sex on the first date the right choice for you? When making the decision about how soon to have sex, it's best to remember that this choice is, ultimately, a sexual preference--and like all sexual preferences, different things are right for different people. If you are the kind of person who prefers a deep, emotional connection with your sex partners; you might choose to abstain from sex until you've gotten a chance to know them well. On the other hand, if you enjoy the excitement of exploring new people (and new bodies), and diving right in at the first opportunity--well, then, why make yourself wait?

We would, however, like to offer one important piece of advice: if you are the kind of person who assumes that all acts of sex fundamentally imply a deep connection (or at least an intention to have sex again), then you'll probably want steer clear of sex with someone you've just met. We're not saying that great romances can't spring out of sordid hook ups, but if a great romance is your goal, you might find yourself disappointed if an amazing hook up doesn't result in a second date.

What's the best way to have great sex on the first date? Half the fun of fucking someone you just met is, well, fucking someone you just met: the newness, the thrill of exploring the unknown, the novelty of a totally new body. But at the same time, fucking someone you're totally unfamiliar with can have its pitfalls--which is why you should make sure to:

Communicate, communicate, communicate. You don't know their body, they don't know yours--and unless you guys open your mouths and talk to each other, you're probably not going to magically figure out how one another's libidos work. If you find yourself feeling shy about asking to be touched in this or that way, you can always use body language and gestures to show what you want. But remember: if you're not having good sex on the first date, why have sex on the first date at all?

Pay attention to your partner's needs. You may think that you know the best way to pleasure the human body--but remember that everyone's different, and the person your with may respond completely differently than your last partner did. If you're unsure if something's okay, ask--you know what they say about people who assume.

Don't be afraid to explore. Some people find first date sex to be extremely freeing: you don't really know this person, they don't really know you, and neither one of you has any built in assumptions or expectations about the other's wants or needs. What better time to explore something you've been curious about, but far too scared to ask for? (Though we don't advise exploring any hardcore or potentially dangerous kinks in this situation--again, this is someone you don't know, and thus can't really trust. Safety first!)

Practice safer sex. You've known this person for all of two hours, and you think it's a good idea to not use a condom? Think again, friend.

What's the best way to behave after sex on the first date? Ideally, you've just had wonderful sex--but depending on your circumstances, you may or may not want to pursue a second date with your new paramour. Whatever you choose, we advise you to be respectful of the person who's just been lovely enough to share a sexual experience with you. To wit:

If you're really hot to see the person again... At the end of your date, be sure to tell the person you're with that you enjoyed meeting them, and that you'd like to see them again. If they seem equally eager, consider making follow up plans on the spot (hey, you've already proven you're not good at waiting); if you're too drunk on endorphins (or, uh, other things) to pull that off, send a text a few days later expressing your interest in making future plans. Just keep in mind that--for a variety of reasons--your eagerness to get it in again might not be reciprocated; if you don't hear back, just brush yourself off and find another good time (because trust us: there's always another good time to be had).

If you're not interested in doing it again... Maybe you're only into one night engagements, maybe things are heating up with another person, or maybe your interest cooled when you got some distance from the heat of the night. Whatever the reason, we urge you to be polite and respectful to the person you've gotten it on with. Meaning: if you've made tentative plans that you've lost interest in, or gotten a text inquiring about a second date, don't just leave the other person hanging--a quick text telling them you had a good time, but want to leave it at that, is all you need to let them down easy. (An exception to this rule: if no one's texted post-hook up, you can get away with just letting sleeping dogs lie.)

And lastly, always remember... Sex is supposed to be fun--and sex on the first date should absolutely be fun; otherwise, there's no good reason to do it. If you're at all hesitant, or nervous that you might regret the experience, then don't do it; and if you're down with getting down, then sally forth, be safe, and have a great time.

· Photo by John B. Root (rebootcash.com)

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Previously: Sex Advice Archive