This Ain’t Danica Patrick Or: Flossing With Brooklyn Lee

November 11, 2011
GRAM-PONANTE

The best scene by far in Hustler's "This Ain't ESPN XXX" features director Otto Bauer as a sleazy photographer trying to convince Danica Patrick (Brooklyn Lee) that she should wear a dental floss bikini.

We include screengrabs from the rest of the movie, filled with so many fake boobs and botched lines that it seemed egregious even for porn, because we make a point of watching the movies we review.

There's a locker room sex scene, a shower sex scene, and the obligatory news desk sex scene, all of which were competently shot but were (on the whole) spoken as if someone hadn't been thrown a few bucks to write a script.

But it was the final pairing, a series of improvs between Bauer and Lee, that was the lone inspired interlude. The premise was simple: Racer Danica Patrick was incredulous to be asked to model something even more revealing than the green 2-piece she was wearing, when Bauer breaks out some GoDaddy dental floss.

It looks great on her, by the way.

We all know (some of us firsthand) the limits of time, budget, and talent placed on America's pornographers, but it is revealing that 20 percent of this movie is good and the rest suffers from neglect. It would be one thing if the whole movie were bad, or one scene out of five was bad. But it looked like Bauer was invested in part of the movie but gave up on the rest.

Luckily it's porn which, unlike "American Horror Story" or ESPN3, can be fully redeemed with nudity.

· Hustler (hustler.com)
· Buy "This Ain't ESPN XXX" (tlavideo.com)