“Adventures In Babysitting” Embraces Summer Like No Other Porn Has Before

Ivan's latest film is a vision of the perfect suburban summer in a world with loose morals and too many babysitters. Best of all, this has nothing to do with that 1987 Elizabeth Shue movie of the same name!

Adventures In Babysitting

Studio: Tom Byron Pictures
Director: Ivan
Cast: Allie Haze, Jessie Andrews, Dani Daniels, Tegan Sumemrs, Lily Carter, Rylie Richman, Alec Knight, John Strong, Derrick Pierce, Mark Zane

To be honest, I was a little worried about this movie when I saw the hardcore trailer; it seemed like the whole movie was about girls forcing each other to do dirty things via text messages. That is what the movie is about more or less, except the girls are really just being supportive of each other and their simultaneous endeavors to get laid. It's heartwarming.

Lily Carter kicks off the show by gingerly trying to seduce her professor, John Strong. Her friends tell her to "make some noise to get his attention," which sounds more like a "Metal Gear Solid" tactic than a way to flirt, but hey, same difference! Lily wants extra credit, and when she asks what else she can do to help her grades, Professor Strong kisses her deeply—really taking her whole mouth inside his—and she immediately goes for his belt. She slowly licks from the base of John's balls to the top of his cock; he starts off holding her hair out of her face, but soon he begins using it for leverage, pulling her back and forth on his spit-drenched cock.

It doesn't take long before they're spooning on the couch, and John goes straight for a rough, deep stroke while Lily furiously strums her clit. You get the feeling that these two are using each other in a perfect symbiosis, and the feeling only increases as Lily approaches a screaming, face-reddening orgasm. A few minutes later, John fucks her through her second climax, and as the blush spreads down her neck, she basks in the warmth of his body, nuzzling, smooching, and gently urging John to continue. They've only tried one position, and already this is one of the best sex scenes I've seen all year. Everything they do feels natural and familiar, and the only time Lily has to negotiate a position is when she wants John all the way inside her. I had to watch this scene again to make sure it was actually this good; it is.

It'd be difficult to follow the unabashed, high octane dick drilling of the first scene with another boy-girl pair, so Ivan brilliantly takes the opposite path. The next scene involves Tegan Summer shyly trying to screw her best friend, Dani Daniels. Texting paves the way for flirting, which leads to Tegan taking cell phone pics of Dani's barely covered crotch, but just when you think they're about to dive off the pussy-eating precipice, they pull back. Tegan's approach is timid, and both girls build the tension with giggling, shifting, and texting. A couple tiny smooches pass between them, followed by more giggles, and so on. "Dude," says Dani. Then they start making out, stripping, etc.

This energy is absolutely captivating for the beginning of the scene, but it never shifts or grows; it plateaus about halfway through some 69ing and then drops off. The pace is achingly slow, every move Tegan makes is like a revelation for both girls, they both want each other so fucking badly and the orgasms come and go but I never felt any real catharsis. Maybe the girls didn't want to raise their voices—and honestly, this kind of nervous exploration feels more realistic than an explosive sex scene would—but they could've at least squirmed and bucked with pleasure, something to loosen their muscles and ease the viewer's mind.

In the next scene, Mark Zane is being a whiny shmuck to his girlfriend, the lovely Rylie Richman. He's dropping her off at a babysitting gig, but he has some beef to discuss first. "I drove you the whole way here and you're texting the whole time," complains Mark. "And your skirt's up, your pussy's out, and nothing." Rylie takes pity on her boy's blueballs and calls him over to the front door. Since she has a few minutes before her job begins, she decides to blow him; Mark is ecstatic, and he immediately pulls her shirt off and his cock out. Rylie delivers a marvelous blowjob—letting him get hard in her mouth, popping his dick off the side of her cheek, other techniques that are both sensual and showy—but it's an awkward scene anyway you slice it. Why do this in the doorway when the car is a few feet away, especially if it's only head? And Mark stands in the same position the whole time, hands on his hips, until he unloads on her tits and someone opens the door. It was the right blowjob, but it was the wrong place, a poorly chosen time, and a confusing set-up.

Meanwhile, Jessie Andrews is getting scolded by Derrick Pierce for scratching the felt on his pool table with some toys (actual toys). Derrick considers firing Jessie, but then she puts on her coquettish charm, climbs over the table, and pulls his dick from his jeans. He stops talking so he can focus on face fucking his babysitter, and Jessie smiles, sensing that she's won the argument. A large chunk of this scene—really the first half of it—is one long shot, and the performers have an impressive understand of how to move and when. The action barely breaks as Derrick lifts Jessie up, carries her to a comfy armchair, and plops her down in his lap. She reaches back, plays with his balls, and fingers her asshole. As this happens, Ivan pulls the camera back, giving us a view of the tiny chair in this big room and giving the couple a moment for themselves. Derrick makes a few noises that sound like he's trying not to come his brains out, but it might also be his dragon tattoo possessing his body. I have to admit, that thing is huge and makes me LOL occasionally.

A few stray texts throughout "Adventures In Babysitting" hint that Allie Haze is laying a trap for someone, and her plan finally bears fruit at the end of the movie. Alec Knight follows a trail of discarded clothing across the backyard until he finds a naked Allie lounging in a lawn chair. "I was waiting for you to get home," she says with a big smile. I almost came when she said that, but Alec is a stronger man than I, and he resists her kisses. He stops fighting once Allie has her hands down his pants, and thus begins a spectacular blowjob: at one point, she focuses her lips and tongue on his frenulum and you can see her cheeks puff and suck with pressure. Alec burps out some inhuman noise of joy, places Allie on the chair, and hungrily goes down on her. I could go on about the spooning that looks like scissoring and the massive cumshot that stretches from shoulder to ass, but it wouldn't do the scene justice.

The best thing about this scene is the way the sun comes through the trees and sprays light across Allie's puffy nipples. If I could, I would take this image and file it away with my memories of summer.

Oh, also, there is a blooper reel in which a tiny dog interrupts Alec and Allie multiple times. It's very cute.

"Adventures In Babysitting" comes out today and I can't support it hard enough. I think you would really enjoy it, if not for the dazzling, energetic youths having sex for your entertainment, then for the way it makes you nostalgic for your days as a slutty babysitter running around Southern California.

· Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
· Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)

Allie Haze
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Allie Haze
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Allie Haze
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Allie Haze
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Dani Daniels and Tegan Summers
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Dani Daniels and Tegan Summers
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Dani Daniels and Tegan Summers
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Dani Daniels and Tegan Summers
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Dani Daniels and Tegan Summers
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Jessie Andrews
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Jessie Andrews
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Jessie Andrews
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Jessie Andrews
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Jessie Andrews
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Lily Carter
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Lily Carter
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Lily Carter
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Lily Carter
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Lily Carter
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Rylie Richman
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Rylie Richman
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Rylie Richman
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Rylie Richman
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)
Rylie Richman
Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
Buy "Adventures In Babysitting" (adultdvdempire.com)