Porn For Straight Girls: Dear Wolf Hudson

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Every time I write about a movie that you're in, my column turns into a fan letter disguised as a review, so I decided that today I'm just going to dispense with all that nonsense and address this directly to you. It's about that time you got fucked by a MILF wearing a strap-on.

In case this happens a lot for you, I'm talking about "MILFs Ballin' Boys," specifically. I was excited already when I got the movie from work, even before I knew you were in it. The cover is a topless blonde woman wearing a strap-on and holding a tray of cookies. Then I turned it over and hey! There you were, sprawled across the lap of a vulpine brunette, and all of a sudden I knew exactly what I was going to write about.

I'm afraid I was pretty impatient while watching Mark Frenchy getting fucked by a bar patron, and Gianni Luca being ravished by his piano teacher, and Don Michael being dominated by a hooker. They were all good scenes, don't get me wrong, and I loved the transition from black-and-white fantasy to full-color reality via Chaplin-esque looks of shock when the woman's strap-on is revealed. But it was hard to concentrate when I knew you were coming up, just around the corner.

And then there you were, telling us about a fantasy you've always had, of spying on a sunbathing woman. That shirt looks really good on you, Wolf. Do you always wear low v-necks like that, or just for movies? Because you should wear them all the time. I also fully support the slightly longer hair you've got going on. Anyway, you were telling us about your fantasy, and then how your fantasy actually happened, but with a surprising, fake penis-shaped twist. That woman you were watching, Felony, was pretty hot! I was worried because her photo on IAFD is not very flattering, but then again no one looks good on there. Given how much sexier she looked on film, I can't blame you for wanting to see her tits.

You did look genuinely shocked when she caught you and wanted you to get naked. You looked less genuinely shocked by her strap-on, but let's be real, when you're in a movie called "MILFs Ballin' Boys," there's only so much authentic-looking surprise you can muster up. I was surprised myself, though, by two things: first, how terrifyingly dominant Felony was, and second, how much I enjoyed watching you be submissive. I mean, one of the reasons I love watching you is that you're always kind of growly and aggressive, and I was concerned that maybe I wouldn't like it if you weren't in control. But that was definitely not the case. Jeez, Felony was really intense! She was punishing you for watching her, but I was a little worried about you during some of the more sadistic moments. You seemed to enjoy it regardless. When she kicked you off her property, I enjoyed watching you walk away naked. Nice ass.

Maybe it was just that I had been satisfied by your appearance and could then enjoy the rest of the movie, but Kade's scene was almost as hot as yours. He's really adorable, and his ink is awesome, although it looked like he still needed some shading finished around the sides of his torso. Plus, he got to fuck the woman on the cover with the cookies! The mother of a friend of his, apparently. I was amused by his well-acted reluctance. He was the most convincing when he asked, "What is that?" Kade also ate a cookie covered in his own ejaculate, which was not only impressive but weirdly sexy.

I wonder if the people who read this column will be as into this movie as I was. I mean, some commenters have suggested that I feature movies where men are objectified and tossed around by women the way that women are by men in very mainstream porn, but I think those commenters were largely being facetious. I do think that watching men get fucked by women is super hot, and might appeal to the kind of straight woman who's interested in being the dominant one in bed, whether or not that dominance stretches to include pegging or not. Is there anything else in particular about this movie that you think women would love?

Congratulations on making another movie that I unabashedly drooled over. (I don't really drool.) Hopefully you don't have plans to stop doing that. I look forward to seeing more of your work in the future and, hey, if you have time, we should hang out.

· Buy "MILFs Ballin' Boys" (store.fleshbot.com)

Previously: Porn For Straight Girls Archive