AEBN just released a Content Developer Kit that will allow programmers to encode video content for the RealTouch. That means we’ll be able to simulate sex based on any movie or TV show we want! Here are some suggestions.
Because now that RealTouch has started the process of opening up their software secrets, there’s no reason to limit your technologically advanced wanking to regular ol’ pornography. Have you ever wished that “True Blood” would tickle your parts as you watch it? There’s no reason it can’t. Do you like the butter scene from “Last Tango in Paris” way, way too much? Turn your passion into programming and immerse yourself in the full Brando experience. This could be the beginning of a
humanity-destroying beautiful relationship.
So while we’re dying to know what movies and television shows you want to be compatible with the RealTouch—and please do let us know in the comments—we thought we’d list a few of our favorites that deserve encoding.
This movie is chock-full of sexy/humiliating moments, and although the RealTouch isn’t able to spank you (yet), we still think it’d be great fun to play along at home with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. As for our scene of choice, it’s a tie between the one where Spader bends Gyllenhaal over his desk, the bathing and stroking at the end of the movie, or the rough sex up against the tree in the epilogue. Let’s go with the second one because it’s adorable and sensual.
· “Secretary” (2002) (imdb.com)
· Clip via Celeb Cap (celebcap.net)
As everyone knows, the ten minutes of total sex in “Lust, Caution” took over 100 hours to shoot. Ang Lee wasn’t just going to let any bit of humping fly in his masterpiece. He demanded greatness, and accordingly, the sex is supernova hot. What’s the best way to appreciate all the hard work that they put into this movie? Warm the RealTouch, setting the heating coils to “sleeping with the enemy,” and dive into a piece of Chinese cinema history.
· “Lust, Caution” (2007) (imdb.com)
· Clip via Celeb Cap (celebcap.net)
It’s simply one of the greatest sex scenes of all time, from one of the most beloved erotic thrillers of all time. We highly doubt that any porn compatible with the RealTouch can instill the fear of horny death in you like Sharon Stone can.
· “Basic Instinct” (1992) (imdb.com)
Now, onto our TV picks. We’d be remiss if we didn’t mention our current obsession, “Spartacus.” It’s given us so much pleasure over the last year that we feel it deserves to be the first television show inducted into the RealTouch library. Just think of all the secret romps in the slave quarters, the orgies, the bathtub fun, and the Lucy Lawless loving that you can finally be a part of! We want it all right now.
· “Spartacus: Gods of the Arena” (starz.com)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Ok, just hear us out on this one. In season six of “Buffy,” the rakish vampire Spike and our beloved slayer finally stop denying their feelings for each other, and they break their sexual tension mid-fight with a screw session so powerful that it tears a decrepit house to pieces. We’ll say it again with feeling: they fuck so hard that the house falls down. Don’t you want to participate? Plus, Sarah Michelle Gellar is foxy.
· “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (1997-2003) (imdb.com)
There’s tons of sex on “Weeds,” and some of it is quite graphic, but we’d really like to be a part of the scene where Nancy and Conrad get together and have sex on a hallway table. As you can tell, we’re all about cathartic scenes in mainstream media. They’re always the best! We get so wrapped up in characters that their sexual frustration becomes our sexual frustration. Now it can be the RealTouch’s sexual frustration, too.
· “Weeds” (2005- ) (imdb.com)
· Clip viaYouTube (youtube.com)
Ah yes, Kate and Sawyer having sex in a cage. You could tell the minute that she smoothly slipped through her bars that something freaky was about to happen, and happen it did. It was dramatic, fatalistic, and—our favorite—in a cage. If we could, we’d use some sort of lube that smelled like sea salt and rugged, unwashed lovers. If only this AEBN had given us the ability sooner, stuff like this could’ve been part of the alternate reality game, “The Lost Experience.” Maybe the RealTouch would clench four times, then eight times, followed by 15, 16, 23, and 42 times. Spooky numbers make for exciting stimulation!
· “Lost” (2004-2010) (imdb.com)