Stoya Three Ways: A Fleshlight User’s Diary
Dear Diary, today I had the privilege of penetrating Stoya’s mouth, pussy, and ass as engineered by Fleshlight for their line of pornstar orifice-emulating sex sleeves. Gosh, my penis sure has been some interesting places!
Fleshlight doesn’t have the technology to simulate active oral sex, so the amuse bouche of the meal evokes Stoya in a passive role: a throatfucking scene. Letting the cyberskin sleeve wade in warm water, I took out Digital Playground’s “Jack’s POV 13″ and skipped to Stoya’s portion. After a quick dry and lubing, the Fleshlight was ready to use. Oh boy!
Pushing into Stoya’s mouth was harder than it should’ve been. The lips didn’t part around and press upon the head; instead they folded inward and stretched the outside of the orifice. This was mostly my fault for not moistening the lips with lube. What are the top three virtues of Fleshlight-fucking? Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication. Anyhow, once I passed the tight, tongueless, and toothless mouth, I slid through a few inches of heavy ribbing, became wedged in wide bumps (simulating the back of the throat), and pushed into the super-tight canal beyond.
Sure it was pleasant, but it was also like fucking an earthworm. Stoya’s Mouth emphasized how much teeth and hollow cheeks matter to oral sex, and there’s just no comparison between real life, lip-puckering suction and the odd release valve on the back of the Fleshlight that minutely changes the slurping and sucking sensation.
I have to admit that the mouth really scares me, even when it’s not chowing down on my cock. When I was rinsing out the sleeve with warm water, it slipped out of my hands and slid around the sink and I swear to God I thought it was about to go for my throat.
Stoya’s Vagina, With Her Signature “Destroya” Texture
Stoya’s signature texture isn’t designed to feel like her pussy; it’s a fantasy texture. Having read Fleshlight’s description of the Destroya beforehand, I was wary of subjecting my wang to the “ultra piercing pleasure dome” inhabited by “teeth and fangs that delightfully rub and pull.” Plus, the pictures made it look like a vagina modeled on a shark mouth. It was a little too dentata for my tastes, but I carried on!
Once past the Georgia O’Keefe reproduction, I entered two chambers of sharp, fleshy crayons, and though they seemed poised to repel intruders, they gently moved out of the way, their tiny tips teasing as I passed. You know what? It’s a marvelous feeling. The teeth seemed to center my whole being wherever they bit; the tip of my penis is still somewhat shell-shocked.
Should you pick up one of these, don’t pretend it’s a vagina. Imagine screwing a sea anemone or dipping into a tight tub of gummy bears. Honestly, it’s no weirder than the other signature textures offered by the Fleshlight Girls line. Have you seen the Eva Angelina one? It’s modeled after a pointed “spitzer” bullet. Have you seen the Jenna Haze one? It’s called “Maze” because it’s a maze. You know what animal has a vagina like a maze? A duck.
The architectural program for the ass-sleeve (the “Forbidden” texture) is all about tightness: the impossibly tiny pucker opens to a short tunnel of ribbing followed by a long, smooth, wavy section. Since it’s so straightforward, it doesn’t need as much lube as other sleeves might. Still, because I was treating it like an ass, I drowned Stoya’s booty in lube; it got messy. I admit that I missed the muscular tension of a real-life anus, but it nonetheless provided the right combination of squish and squeeze.
Anyway, what’s the use of comparing Fleshlights to sex acts? I don’t mean to bash the company as a whole—indeed, I think they make phenomenal sex toys and at times I forgot to take notes because I was too fascinated by what was happening to my penis. That being said, I had a lot of disbelief to suspend with Stoya’s body parts, and Fleshlight wasn’t trying to help.
My biggest issue: the signatures. Below and to the right of every orifice, I find Stoya’s name scrawled in low relief. I suppose it helps if you have a lot of Fleshlight Girls hanging around and you can’t tell one famous pussy from the next, but can’t the company put them anywhere else? Just hide them on another, unseen section of the sleeve so it doesn’t look like pornstars ritually scar their signatures beside their most marketable orifices.
I’m glad I got to screw Stoya, and I would gladly spend more quiet evenings alone with the other Fleshlight Girls products, but I can’t help but feel weird. If I feel closer to Stoya, it’s only because her promo video for Fleshlight is so intensely awkward.
Oh yeah, she really wants to make out with the Fleshlight. And what’s that odd sound in her voice? Discomfort? Confusion? I know that voice, I’ve used it myself. Oh, Stoya, why did we put our genitals in a Big Gulp?