Thank You For Being So Hot: “The Golden Girls XXX”

With Betty White's return to the spotlight, and Rue McClanahan's recent passing, "The Golden Girls" have been in the media a lot lately. This, it happens, is both good and bad for "The Golden Girls - A XXX MILF Parody."

The Golden Girls - A XXX MILF Parody

Studio: New Sensations
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Cast: Diamond Foxxx, Raylene, Jewels Jade, Julia Ann, Rachel Love, Puma Swede, Johnny Castle, Rocco Reed, James Deen, Levi Cash

It's good, of course, because the surge of "Golden Girls" nostalgia has raised interest in what could easily have been an also-ran parody porn. It's bad, on the other hand, because the subsequent "Golden Girls" clip fests (and, for that matter, anything done by Betty White) is a reminder of just how funny the show was—and how the porn parody version pales in comparison.

Interestingly, it's not that New Sensations gives short shrift to plot; if anything, there's a little too much time spent not knocking boots. Near fifteen minutes (half an episode of "The Golden Girls"!) goes by before anyone gets to any sex—and that fifteen minutes serves largely as a reminder that, for all their charms, the XXX "Golden Girls" don't have the comic timing of their namesakes. Yes, there were some good jokes (Sophia's story in particular is quite cute), and I found myself chuckling from time to time, but, well, it just wasn't the same.

Fortunately, what the XXX "Golden Girls" lack in comedy skills they more than make up for with their skills in the sack. For this XXX MILF parody, New Sensations has selected a fine crop of some of the industry's more mature players, with Julia Ann (Rose), Diamond Foxxx (Blanche), Raylene (Dorothy), and Rachel Love (Sophia) depicting the fantastic foursome; and Jewels Jade and Puma Swede along for the ride as Dorothy's friend and Sophia's paramour, respectively. (And for those still sore about the MILF nature of this movie: yes, it's a cheat that the bulk of the parody takes place as a flashback; but save for a few brave souls there just aren't that many senior citizens interested in getting down and dirty on camera.)

And thus we have a team of tremendously sexy ladies guiding us through the sexual hijinks of our favorite Miami girls, which, for the most part, involve trysts with strapping young blue collar men (Rachel Love and Puma Swede's scene being the one exception). Johnny Castle, Rocco Reed, Levi Cash, and James Deen play a plumber, a landscaper, a flower delivery guy, and a plumber respectively—and though we don't quite remember this much hot young manflesh on the actual series (let alone in any of the golden girls' beds), we're not going to argue against seeing some of our favorite male performers in action.

"The Golden Girls XXX" may not quite satisfy the hardcore desires of hardcore GG fans, but it does cast the spotlight on some very deserving performers who don't always get the attention they deserve. Might the movie have seemed funnier if I wasn't constantly comparing Rachel Love to Estelle Getty? Perhaps—but, sadly, just another porn movie about a house of hot MILFs would never have gotten the attention that this parody has received.

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Rachel Love, Diamond Foxxx, Julia Ann, and Raylene
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