2009: the year of the robot that mimics the love stylings of your favorite pornstars, a tiny little toy jampacked with ten eager tongues, and a wireless vibe that syncs with your iPod. So many innovations…but which were the best?
As the year draws to a close, we’ve reviewed our reviews from 2009, and scientifically determined just which toys were the best of the best this year. Below, our picks for the tops in toys.
10) The Real Touch: With a few rare exceptions, high end (and high tech) sex toys are almost exclusively targeted at women. The Real Touch is looking to change that. A high tech masturbator that syncs with POV porn, the Real Touch may just change the face of toys for boys. True, it has its problems (most notably, the fact that it won’t work if you’re not paying per minute for AEBN’s porn)—but it’s promising enough to give us hope for the future.
9) OhMiBod Freestyle: After years on the scene, the OhMiBod has finally reached its full potential. With the Freestyle’s wireless connection, you can finally rock out to your tunes without being tied down to them.
8) Tenth Anniversary Tristan Butt Plug: The Tenth Anniversary Tristan Plug takes a good thing and makes it better (or at least bigger). A beefed up version of the original Tristan plug, the 10th anniversary edition is a must have for any butt aficionado in need of an upgrade.
7) Bolero Straitjacket **BEST LUXURY TOY**: This delightful bondage device combines the efficient immobilization of the straitjacket with the delicious eroticism of being nearly naked. True, it’s not cheap—but if you’re willing and able to invest in your BDSM toy chest, it’s an excellent addition.
6) Imperial: With 11 inches of aircraft quality spun aluminum, the Imperial is bound to please any and all size queens—especially the ones who enjoy toys with the ability to pleasure and violently disfigure.
5) Bloomy: A wonderful dildo for the girls, and a p-spot stimulating butt plug for the boys—Bloomy’s a toy that everyone can enjoy! (Just, uh, remember to sterilize it before sharing.)
4) Finger Tingles **BEST BUY**: Since the day we first discovered sex, we’ve wondered whether there could ever be away to improve on the erotic abilities of the simple little finger. The answer, friends, is yes: with the help of the Finger Tingles, your mild-mannered digit becomes a super finger.
3) Contour Q **BEST DISCREET TOY**: Don’t be fooled by Contour Q’s innocent appearance: these bumpy little massage stones know their way around a woman’s body. And we do mean all parts of the body.
2) Sqweel: With the Sqweel, Love Honey set out to create a toy that replicates the sensation of oral sex. While they may not have quite achieved that goal, they did create a wholly unique toy that stimulates in a very unusual (and very pleasing) way.
1) Form 2: Small, sleek, and super-powered: the rabbit-inspired Form 2 has two silicone ears that are all revved up and ready to rock. And just like a real rabbit, this thing won’t quit until long after you’re satisifed.
Worst Toy of 2009: The Blowguard: Sure, it’ll enable you to give a decent blowjob with absolutely no effort…at the cost of your dignity, your comfort, and your ability to control your drooling.