Xploring New Territory: The Pink XPlorer Vibrator

You don't want a weapons-grade vibrator that will launch your parts into space, but neither do you want something so insubstantial that it shrinks from your own nether frankness. The Xplorer is industrial-strength and pink.

This solid massager fits firmly in the Hitachi Magic Wand family but is also clearly a marital aid. There will be no denying its uses when friends come over and find it and you together, carnally. It's pink, for Pete's sake.

But what is reassuring about the Xplorer is that it is substantial, too. It felt heavy in my hand, despite its pinkness. I didn't fear that I would drop it; instead, I felt like I could wield it.

It uses no batteries but must be connected to an AC power source for charging, thus relieving your loved one(s) of the irrational fear that you might leave them for a vibrator. The five-hour charge the Xplorer holds guarantees your going home again, if anything for another charge or at least a change of clothes.

The Xplorer is not a discreet, dainty little thing; it is like a Kitchen Aid for your vagina. I was surprised there wasn't a shop-vac attachment. Furthermore, there is no cop-out oscillator switch, so the passes you make at your sensitive areas need to be thoughtful ones.

There are five attachments for the Xplorer, each of which looks like a stopper for various sinks I've owned. But each does its job, or rather you do the job and fit the attachments into whatever groove, fold, or flap they suit best. Or, better yet, have your partner or real estate agent do the job.

Our test subject liked to keep her hands free, and suggested we wear protective eyewear next time.

We got the Xplorer from Eros Boutique, which still might be able to serve your Valentine's Day needs, especially if you make Valentine's Day last until the middle of the week.

· Eros Boutique (erosboutique.com)