Real Sex Vs. Porn Sex: The Battle Rages On

We’ve just learned of a new website, “Make Love, Not Porn,” which aims to give the porn-watching masses (read: young men) some perspective on what they’re seeing and how it relates to “real world” sex.

While we certainly appreciate the fundamental message behind the project (porn is fantasy, and not like real life), we found ourselves a bit put off by some of the assumptions—and misinformation—the site puts forth about pornography (and, for that matter, the real world). Much of it seems to be based on broad generalizations and limited experiences—two things we happen to hate. So in the hopes of encouraging conversation, we decided to throw our opinions into the mix.

Strong start, and one we can’t really argue with. Love it or hate it, the facial is disturbingly common in the porn world, and we, for one, would love to see a little more variety.

Here’s our first misstep. There are women out there who orgasm via stimulation that is not clitoral in nature. Whether they’re coming from internal stimulation, nipple stimulation, or even just thinking themselves off, they’re able to do it without touching the clit—and while these women may be in the minority, they do exist.

While the hair-free look has been the norm for years, pubic hair is making a comeback—just ask Sasha Grey, who’s been rocking a rather stylish pubic do for some time now.

Not all pornstars do anal—in fact, there are quite a few who don’t. More important, for us, is talking about the fact that porn depicts anal as an easy activity that one can do on a whim—we’d wager that if more people understood the amount of work that goes into a good anal session… well, more people would be finding pleasure in anal stimulation.

Again, something we can (sort of) agree on: the kind of sex that people have for the camera isn’t always the kind of sex that people want to have in real life—because the kind of sex that you have in real life, that feels great, probably won’t look great on camera (as evidenced by just about every amateur sex tape you’ve ever seen). However, there’s still some porno sex that looks hot and looks like a great time, as far as we’re concerned.

Okay, we’ll give her this one.

Another assumption about porn that we’d like to dispel: there’s a lot of porn out there that’s not all about dirty talk, and assuming that every time some fucking gets committed to film, a girl is called bitch or whore does a disservice to us all.

See our commentary on anal sex: porn is notoriously bad for leaving the warm up on the cutting room floor.

Also not the only kind of blowjob that ever makes its way on camera. Putting forth the assumption that all porn promotes aggressive, violent sex creates a very limited view of the possibilities of sex on film.

If there’s one thing that years of near constant porn watching have taught us, it’s that there’s no one way to have sex in porn. Different performers have different styles, different directors shoot different types of scenes, different genres play up different experiences. Referring to porn as a monolithic, undifferentiated mass doesn’t do anyone any good—in fact, it’s about as bad as assuming that every lesson learned in a porno can be applied to real life.

· Make Love, Not Porn (makelovenotporn.com, via blog.babeland.com, also seen at BoingBoing)
· Thumbnail images via Digital Playground and Share Adult

  • AlexaD

    Referring to porn as a monolithic, undifferentiated mass doesn’t do anyone any good-in fact, it’s about as bad as assuming that every lesson learned in a porno can be applied to real life.

    Absolutely dead on. She does almost as much harm on the subject as porn itself does with her representation of porn. Maybe she’s feeling a bit guilty for the kind of porn she’s been watching?

  • hodayathink is walking in the glow of love

    Sweeping generalizations are sweeping.

    But seriously, sometimes I wonder who these people are who actually think porn sex is exactly like real sex. And if they are older than 12.

  • Anonymous

    Porn World= Hot and ready all the time

    Real World= I just got off work I smell like fried food and the kids are driving me crazy, no I don’t want to do it, and jesus christ could you at least rinse your dishes off before throwing them in the kitchen sink to ferment.

  • bidonnamarie

    Hmm interesting thoughts and comments! As a women that is in porn and watches I have to disagree at least from where I stand.

    I like anal sex, enjoy having a man cum on my face and breasts. As to women I like to find one every now and then that squirts and lactates!

    But then, I know I march to my own drum so I’m not putting any one down for what that think or makes them hot!

    Hugs and Kisses
    Donna Marie

  • CharlesOryx

    So porn DOESN’T reflect the real world? Then why did all those screw me? At once? In a well lit and boom-mike friendly hoiuse in California

    Seriously though, you would have to be a bit of a jackass to really assume that anything for entertainment value is in anyway realistic and not glamorized.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t understand how the author thinks this website is useful… In each case she says “some people like it, and some people don’t” as if that adds any information at all. It’s all so wishy-washy.

    This article reeks of an author that has a grudge against porn, but in writing up version 1.0 of the website, she realized that she would get called out for preaching to women what their sex lives *should* be like. I’m nearly certain that her original idea had her writing “in porn women love to get facials, in real life women hate it.” I’d almost respect her more had she just come out and said that since it’s so clear that it’s what she believes.

  • CharlesOryx

    I can’t help but feel like reading most of these sounds like my Mom giving me a pep talk on how “everybody’s different”
    Some people like to (Insert, heh, sexual act here) and some don’t and that’s OK!

  • Prosumerist

    Why does this article feel like a one-sided argument in defense of porn? Of course porn doesn’t reflect the real world, at least ‘mainstream’ porn (there’s a ton of ‘amateur’ stuff out there that might be closer to real-life).

  • Mick

    I’m too afraid of a chomp-down scenario to try the gag reflex blowjob technique. That and I also have the mental capacity to know that things filmed in front of a camera come out a lot better (and smoother) then things lived in real life.

  • Anonymous

    Any credibility they may have had is countered by using white text on a pale pink background. I can’t even read most of it.

  • commanderkitty

    You know, if the author is unsatisfied/offended by the porn she sees, she’d be better off using her talents and energy to make her own brand of smut. Just an idea.

  • Ms Naughty

    I’m going to come out in defence of this site for a couple of reasons. The first is that this would be a good site to show teenagers. The sentiments involved are perfect for teens whose sex education may be solely coming from porn (and given the years of abstinence-only sex ed, that’s probably common).

    Secondly, I completely agree that the site makes generalised statements about porn. But then again, lets think about the vast mass of commercial porn available on the market… it does seem to fit those stereotypes. Constant facials, anal without prep, gagging, spitty blowjobs… And I would say that your average joe may not be aware of the new and different varieties of smut out there.

  • Anonymous

    Personally, I’m a young woman who loves porn– and very violent porn at that. In my personal life, I enjoy rough, messy sex (including those gagging blowjobs they’re claiming no one likes) , but my long-time boyfriend and I have a very loving relationship and just because he might call me a whore when we’re gettin’ it on so-to-speak doesn’t mean he’s ever disrespectful in real life. I’ve always resented the way that people– especially women– tend to think that talking dirty and having rough sex are abusive or show a lack of respect. I like that this article recognizes that not all women think the same. I’ve certainly never identified with how many of the women I know feel about sex.

  • Anonymous

    While this was a very interesting summation of the arguments presented, it would have been far, far more effective were the flipping words in the images easier to read!

    Seriously, what the fuck?!

  • Anonymous

    aboslutely LOVE this new site. Especially the bit about women’s orgasms as the porn world is stacked full of woman hating abusive video content that is all about having something done to you than participative sex. One day the porn world will catch on. Love love love this new site. Thanks for sharing!!

  • Anonymous

    Sadly I have been on the receiving end of the uneducated teen groping. Adults that have been exploring their sexuality themselves will see that like a bunch of generalizations. But hopefully a young 15 years old boy will see it as educational material and a reality check.
    A lot of teens just don’t feel like going out of their way to learn about sex.

  • Chuck

    Straight BS! The same can be said about sex toys for women. Oops, that’s oppressing women.