February 1, 2009 | 5 Comments

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Erectile Wardrobe Malfunction Edition

In this weekend’s glut of conspicuously consumptive footballery, remember the simple furtive pleasures of grabbing glimpses of panties beneath those Cardinals snowbird muumuus or Steelers blast furnace aprons.

Dear Readers, it is true that I couldn’t care less who wins this weekend, but what I do care about, like getting a handjob from Tinkerbell, is if my neighbor’s wayward and frank sister in-law will be at the SuperBowl party. Why? Because last year she wore no panties. The choice between Cardinals and Steelers and Ranch and Onion Dip pales in comparison to that of Angie in the Basement v. A Punch in the Face.

So the appearance of this week’s movie is not arbitrary at all. What do you do about the pantieless SuperBowl guest?

· DVSX Pictures (dvsx.com)
· Buy “Panty Peek Freaks” (gamelink.com)

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Author:lank

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  • jeffbot

    We need more “Terrible Towel” porn … “blast furnace aprons? That’s so 1970s … ;-)

    [www.intotemptation.net]

  • Come a little Miroslav Klose You’re My Kind of Man

    You ask her to go clean herself up, a bit — as much metaphysically as anything — in the upstairs bathroom (off the master bedroom). Further, you advise she can borrow a pair of your wife’s/girlfriend’s/paramour’s underpants to wear, once out of the bath… But as half-time hits, & the rest of the party is rapt to the horribly overrated (yes, I said it) Bruce Springsteen, you venture upstairs to find your impertinent guest nude, her hair wrapped in her towel, picking over your partner’s lingerie — to no avail. You never wanted your guest clothed & modest anyway, though, so you proceed to throw her to the bed & ravish her. & as Bruce squeals “Born to Run”,… well, you’re engaged in a near-rhyme of that third term.

  • MalzyWheels

    I thought Howard Jones definitively answered this quandary in his song “Life in One Day”:

    “Pantieless SuperBowl guests are gathering round my door
    Ask them in and invite some more”

    But, then again, we’re talking about pantieless sister-in-laws. These are whole different creatures altogether.

    Since Emily Post never broached this subject, here’s my take: If the Superbowl party is being hosted by a mutual acquaintance outside the family, do not panic; just keep a safe distance from sister-in-law. If said party is being hosted by a family member, or, worst of all, you, then be afraid, be very afraid. The best thing to do in this situation is to light your hair on fire so you can be sure that you’ll be taken away by the authorities. This might land you on an episode of COPS, but it’s better than the alternative. To avoid further conflicts, I suggest that you volunteer at the Superbowl party at the Leper Colony.

    SISTER-IN-LAW COOCHIE: NOT WORTH IT

  • Anonymous

    Is it just me, or has fleshbot become a bit lazy as of late? It used to post on content that was interesting or different. Lately it seems like mostly a collection of average photos of girls, lame xtube videos, unoriginal clips, or features on porn titles out that really aren’t that special. It’s lacking substance.

  • Prof_Derzshowitz

    Tha Scenario: Pantie-less personage at Pigskin Party

    Step 1: Make sure you get a good I.D. of the person. While you might be distracted by the view down below, it’s very important to actually look at the person’s face to see who they are before diving in. [This is to make sure you don't end up with a family member, unless that's what you're going for (shudder)].

    Step 2: Once the exposed female is I.D.’ed, silently decide if it’s safe to pursue. If the lady is your best friend’s girlfriend, you might want to hand of the ball for a safety. [However, you get triple the man points if you do decide to go for the steal]. Either way, the fact that the lady “forget” her knickers should be a sign she wants to party. [Or it may be an early symptom of Alzheimer's. You make the call.]

    Step 3: If you decide to pursue, you need to map out your plan of attack, John Madden style. If Madden is at your party, feel free to get him to assist you with this. From what I’ve heard, the Madd-dog is always down to help a player score out in the field. [He may even draw up a game plan for you].

    Step 4: As you are the host of this shindig, don’t forget to attend to you own duties. It may be difficult to pull your eyes away from the exposed vag, but it’s important to make sure everyone’s glass is full, especially that of the target. [Bonus: if you have purple drank readily available and mixed, offer this as well. But ask if she would like some first].

    Step 5: HALF-TIME – Use this over-hyped break in the game to make your move. If you’re struggling with the pickup, you might start doubting yourself. In this case, throw a lateral back to John and let him take the pressure out of the situation. Get some Gatorade, towel off, and reassess the situation. If you have to pull-out and try again later, so be it.

    Step 6: Tie game, 4th down, at the 10 yard line, with 10 secs on the clock -

    While everybody else is fixated on the screen, this is your chance to sneak away with the lady without anyone noticing. Get to the bedroom, lock the door, and go at it. Hopefully, your spiriting away went unnoticed. But even if it didn’t, it won’t matter, because after all this build up you probably won’t last more than ten seconds in there, and will probably be back in time for the end of the game.

    Step 7: Celebrate. You did good. Just make sure you clean up the mess afterward. [From the party.]