Why Porn Matters

There’s a new book out now called “The Porning of America,” which argues that “porn culture” has become so pervasive in everyday life that it is inescapable. Even five-year olds can’t walk into a toy store without being confronted by it and in the words of the author, this means “a death match for my daughter’s soul.” Of course, by “porn culture” what he really means is “sex”—which is not the same thing although they are obviously linked—and he is correct that our world is more open about than it has ever been. Yet, it many ways our culture is more prudish and alarmist than it has ever been. There is a battle going on, but it’s not the one he thinks it is. It’s a battle between the natural desires that people feel and express everyday and those who want to suppress those desires and keep them out of the public sphere at all cost. Sooner or later, those people will lose.Humans are sexual beings and nothing will ever change that. Their interest in porn is not a perversion or addiction, it’s simply an outlet for what they already desire. In fact, “porn addicts” are not addicted to pictures and videos—they are addicted to the ideas those things represent. (Or they’re “addicted” to masturbation, which is the same as being addicted to eating or sleeping.) A couple that has sex twice a day would never be accused of being addicted to each other. Is sex becoming too pervasive? Perhaps. There’s a place for sex within our public lives, in the same way that there’s a place for it within our private ones and where that place belongs is a debate worth having. You see it in the arguments over Max Hardcore, as even staunch freedom of speech warriors find it difficult to stand up for something that personally disgusts them. Should a father have to explain to his children what that Viagra ad means while watching TV? No, probably not. But should he also ignore it, try to push it under the rug, and pretend that sexuality doesn’t exist? That seems even less helpful. What I object to most are media outlets that use porn for attention and ratings, while simultaneously wagging their finger at it. They employ salacious headlines and blurry images, and a knowing wink to tell half the viewers that they’re on their side (sex is wrong and dangerous) while letting the other half in on the joke—they’re loving it too. We’re all into it, but we aren’t allowed to admit it out loud. We can all hunt across the internet for a Britney Spears sex tape, but can’t talk about that tape in polite company … even though all of your neighbors have already downloaded it. It can only be discussed as an ironic joke or with a snide remark and never with the respect deserving of something so meaningful to so many lives. There’s no way any of this will get solved with a book or a few blog posts, but here’s hoping that we can at least be a little more honest and open with each other—and with ourselves. I never set out to become a porn writer, but in the time I’ve been doing this I’ve learned a lot about sex and media and how important both are to people’s lives. I hope they can learn to get along. In any case, this will be my last post at Fleshbot. After two-and-half years in the porn mines, it’s time for me to move on to something new, but this experience has certainly been a memorable one. This site and this company gave me a chance at a time when I really needed one and I’m grateful for all that opportunity has led to. Thank you to all the readers who came here every day and gave us a reason to keep writing. I know that Lux will continue the tradition that’s been established over the last five years—respect for the performers and the audience combined with a spirit of adventure and fun. There is not another site like this one anywhere on the web and I’m thankful that I got to be a part of that.