Mandy Morbid Faces Her Inner Demons In “Hospital”

It's hard not to think of any porn movie that bills itself as "dark, squalid, and ominous" as missing another adjective: pretentious. But even after struggling our way through the copy that adorns the (rather gorgeous) box cover of "Hospital" along with assorted surgical implements and bloody smears, the only word that describes how director Benny Profane's new Vivid Alt release makes us feel is excited. Then again, Mandy Morbid always makes us feel that way anyway.

The plot, such as it is, involves Our Mandy being punished for past misdeeds she cannot recall by an evil (and diabolically horny) hospital staff. It seems that Mandy and her con artist boyfriend (played by Fleshbot superhero and Mandy's real-life beau Zak Sabbath) did some Bad Things which earned Mandy a semi-private room in the hospital of the title, where her doctor tells her she's to undergo treatment for being a "drug addict and a sexual deviant". Not one to let other people decide what's best for her or her body, Mandy jams a pencil into his skull: "No one fucks with me! I just want to go home!" She is then rescued by her boyfriend and the two celebrate her homecoming with a hot threeway with Coco Velvett. And that's pretty much it. End credits.

So we have to say that "Hospital" wasn't nearly as dark and ominous as the box cover led us to expect. But here's the good part: it isn't pretentious either. To its credit, the movie doesn't take itself seriously at all: everyone seems to be having an absolute hoot playing doctor and/or nurse--especially the delightful Caroline Pierce, who has a grand old time in a supply room with fellow bad nurse Sochee Mala and a strapon while Mandy watches confusedly (and turned on-edly) from a shower stall. (And we can't even begin to describe how we feel about hot newcomer Marie McCray, so we won't even try. Let's just say hot and dizzy are the least of our symptoms.)

It's the kind of hospital we certainly wouldn't mind checking in to for a while, so long as we weren't just tied to the bed or had a hole drilled into our skulls or anything. Too bad we're pretty sure our insurance wouldn't cover our stay.

The "Hospital" DVD includes extras like a making-of documentary and a bonus featurette, "Mandy Morbid's Trepanation Video". No, we have not watched it yet.

"Hospital" hits the shelves this week.

• VividAlt (vividalt.com)
• Order: "Hospital" (Adult DVD Empire)